Make it a Part
by SweetDulcinea
Summary: Edward meets Bella after sideswiping her car and putting her and her newborn daughter in the hospital. He is determined to make it up to her however he can. As truths about each other and their pasts surface, friendship & romance blossom. FGB for pipelynn
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Huzzah! Something new already! This story is for pipelynn, who rocks my socks & bought me an awesome blankie in the last FGB auction. I hope she loves it. I hope you love it too.**

**Sincerest thanks go to jessypt for stepping up to beta this bad boy. She's a gem =) If you're curious, the genre will be pretty much what it says above: Drama & Romance. Angst will be minimal. Canon pairings throughout, other than mentions of the characters' history. Yes, there will be lemons eventually. No posting schedule, as this one is a WIP, but I'll try not to let much time pass between updates. Enjoy!**

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><p><em><strong>~Bella~<strong>_

It was nearing dusk ̶ that time of day it sucks the most to be on the road because the sun hovers in that spot where your visor doesn't reach and your sunglasses are completely ineffective. You're forced to practically drive blind, unless you hold one hand out in front of you while steering with the other. But I had to drive. Ruthie would not sleep or allow me to put her down otherwise, so for the fifth time in her short two weeks of life, I was driving around aimlessly. At least it was a break from holding her, and it gave me the opportunity to stop at the Taco Bell drive-thru and get something to eat. I'd practically been living on SlimFast shakes, PowerBars, and fruit I could eat with one hand (apples, pears, and grapes, mostly) since we'd come home from the hospital. There was no one to give me a break, no one to make me a sandwich or hold her for thirty seconds while I went to the bathroom.

I shouldn't complain, though. My little girl, blue eyes and a tuft of fuzzy brown hair, was a blessing. Even though I was doing this all on my own. Even though my asshole ex had completely disappeared. Even though pretty much everything was a struggle right now. Ruthie was beautiful and healthy and, in a matter of moments after I first saw her, had become my entire world. She was still brand new to me, but I could hardly remember what my life had been like without her in it.

The lack of sleep in the past two days had been awful, though. The longest she had slept consecutively had been an hour, and only two of those times had she allowed me to lay her in her crib. So for days I'd loaded her into the car, and after nabbing some fast food, I drove around and ate. I couldn't really take the setting sun any longer, though, so I decided to head home. There were other cars along the divided four-lane highway, but for the most part, it was normal traffic.

I was just a few miles from the turn-off that would lead to my apartment complex when it happened. The big black truck must not have seen me. The impact forced my tiny old two-door off the road, swiveling and spinning over gravel and grass. I screamed and tried to take control with a foot on the brake and both hands on the wheel, but some kind of impact jolted my car to a stop. My head hurt.

As the blackness settled in, I could only think of one thing. The word fell from my lips in a whimper.

"Ruth."

.

_Ow._

It hurt to open my eyes, but I forced them as wide as possible anyway. Wherever I was smelled funny and was really cold. I was in a bed. I was in a hospital room.

I looked around frantically. Where was Ruth? Where the hell was my daughter?

"Oh god, no! No, no, no!"

"Ms. Swan, are you all right?" A petite woman had burst into my room and was staring at me worriedly. I felt as frantic as she appeared.

"My baby! Where's my baby?" I tried to climb out of bed, but she was at my side, gently pushing me back down. Regardless of her delicate care, I could feel the array of aches all over my body, and my breasts were damp and sore from not having nursed Ruth.

"Shh," she soothed. "Little Ruth is fine. She's in pediatrics with our nursing staff. I think the social worker was just in."

_Oh my god. Oh. My. God._

"What's wrong with her? Are they going to take her away from me? It wasn't my fault!" I screeched. The poor woman looked frightened, but she determinedly grabbed my hand and squeezed it to reassure me.

"She's _fine_. As far as we can tell, she didn't suffer any injuries. The social worker is just here out of standard practice. One of the other nurses remembered you from when Ruth was born a couple weeks ago. Since the father's name is not on record and we weren't certain how long you'd be here, we just wanted to make sure the baby was cared for. She's not going anywhere, okay?"

"Okay," I nodded, releasing my breath and wiping at my tears. My baby was okay. I, on the other hand, had a throbbing headache. I touched my temple and winced.

"Here, let me go get the doctor. I'll call peds as well, and I'll see about getting you another dose of something for the pain. I'm Alice, by the way. Just push the call button if you need anything."

Before leaving, Nurse Alice poured me a glass of water from the pitcher near my bed and handed it to me. I drank it quickly and poured another, only then realizing how thirsty I felt.

Thankfully, my doctor and Ruth's came by soon after Alice left. The social worker entered a few minutes later, accompanied by another nurse who rolled my baby in with the same kind of cradle cart they used in the labor and maternity wing. They let me take her into my arms immediately, and I held her close, thanking God she was safe before I shifted my gown to begin feeding her. Nursing was still a little awkward, especially in front of strangers, but nothing mattered more than my baby's needs at that time.

They asked me what I remembered, and the doctors were happy to hear I could recall the accident. I learned that my car had been totaled. I'd suffered a head injury ̶ a concussion ̶ when my car hit a tree and stopped. The impact had left me achy and tender all over, and the airbag deploying caused some bruising and burns on my face and chest. Overall, I was okay. And really damn lucky. If my car had struck the tree at a different angle, I could have died.

I was more interested in Ruthie, though. Miraculously, her doctor believed she was fine. She had been securely strapped into her car seat and showed no signs of injury. She responded to stimuli, passed all the tests they conducted, and would only need to come in for a follow-up appointment in a few days. If she was still okay then, I would just proceed with her regular appointments unless I had concerns in the future. My baby girl was just so small, though. I was frightened about future problems, but everyone was very optimistic.

I just couldn't get my mind past how fortunate we were. We could have died, or I could have been killed, leaving my baby with no one. Had anything happened to her, I'm not sure how ̶ or if ̶ I could have coped.

We stayed in the hospital for almost another full day for observation. The doctor had taken care not to give me any drugs that would prevent me from being able to nurse Ruthie, so I was still able to breastfeed her. By the time they were preparing to discharge us, I forgot that I didn't have a way to get home.

I panicked briefly, stress and hormones setting me off in a crying fit that lasted for at least ten minutes. I could have taken a taxi, but money was tight. All things considered, it was probably going to get worse for a while. Finally, I bit the bullet and called the only friends I had, Kate and Garrett. I hated putting them in that position, but I had no one else. Literally. Thankfully, they were as sweet and caring to me as they had always been and promised to come immediately. I knew they would, but I still felt guilty about it. They had allowed me to continue bartending at their bar and restaurant all the way through my pregnancy. That had been a rough time for me for so many reasons, and I could never repay their kindness. Alice came to tell me when they arrived, and I was escorted down to the ground floor by another one of the nurses.

"You're the one who remembered me?" I asked the tall, brown-haired woman. She looked around my age or a few years older and she had a very pleasant, friendly air about her.

"I am. Angela," she said with a soft smile, continuing to wheel Ruthie down the corridor in her cart. "I'm glad you're both all right."

"Me too," I agreed, forcing a smile. I had no idea what we were going to do for transportation now, and I wasn't looking forward to dealing with insurance companies, but at least we were going home.

As we exited the elevator and made our way toward the general entrance, I saw my friends waiting for me. Kate looked anxious and Garrett wore an expression of concern, but both softened as soon as they spotted us. Kate rushed over, pausing before she pulled me into a firm hug. Garrett rubbed my back and told me he was glad we were okay. We talked briefly before agreeing it would be more sensible to discuss everything in the car, but as I turned to lift Ruthie out of her makeshift bed, I felt the presence of another person beside me. Looking up, I saw a handsome man watching me expectantly. His hand was wrapped around the handle of an empty infant car seat, which he held out toward me.

"Isabella Swan?" he said, though I had no idea how he knew my name. "I'm the . . . my name is Edward Cullen. I'm the one who . . . I was driving the truck. I caused the accident." He paused a moment, assessing my reaction. I had no idea how to respond, but I clutched my baby closer to me as he continued. "You have no idea how sorry I am about everything. When I heard about the baby in the car . . . . I'm so glad you're both all right."

He held the car seat out toward me again, and I looked at it, confused.

"I'm glad we're both okay, too," I said for lack of any better response. I didn't know what I was supposed to tell him under the circumstances, but he didn't seem offended. "But what is that for?"

"It's for you, for your daughter. Any child seat that's been in an accident must be replaced, by state law. It was the least I could do for the time being."

I glanced at Kate and Garrett, who didn't have any children of their own, and it was apparent that they hadn't thought about the car seat. Neither had I. I could tell the one this man had bought was expensive ̶ far above my budget ̶ but I had little choice than to accept it.

"Thank you," I said quietly, dropping my eyes down from his serious gaze. "I appreciate it, Mr. Cullen."

"Just Edward, please."

I peered at him once more and noticed how tired and disheveled he appeared. It didn't matter, though. I'd likely never see him again, and our insurance companies would handle all the other details.

Garrett took the car seat from Edward and shook his hand, telling us to head out to the car and that he'd be there in a moment. Kate wrapped an arm around me, guiding me toward the automatic doors. I wasn't sure why, but I felt compelled to look back. When I did, I saw Garrett still talking to the taller man, and Angela, the nurse, had moved beside them as well, her hand on Edward's arm.

The fresh air brought me out of my daze, however, and I let Kate lead me away from the unsettling exchange.

"You sure you're okay?" she asked me.

"Yeah, I just feel so exhausted. It's so impossible to sleep in the hospital, and the food is terrible."

Garrett joined us a moment later, helping to get Ruthie's seat strapped in. I sat in the back with her, my hand splayed over her little body as I recounted the story of the accident and all the details of our injuries to my friends. They dropped me at my apartment fifteen minutes later and stayed to ensure we got settled before they left. Eventually, however, they did, and it was just my baby and me, as it had been since she was barely a bump inside my belly. Alone.

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><p><strong>EN: The story title, like most of my fics, comes from a song - Make it a Part by Further Seems Forever (though not when Chris Carrabba was the singer). The baby's name doesn't have any particular significance, other than me thinking it's precious. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**~Bella~**_

"Ruthie, please, baby. Mommy is so, so, so tired. Let's just take a little nap."

I gently swaddled her in a soft receiving blanket, tucking her little arms in firmly and keeping her packed tight beneath the folds. Swaddling was one of the only ways to keep my little girl fractionally calm. I'd read plenty during my pregnancy and still continued to do so, and I knew newborn babies preferred being held, but no matter what I did, it felt like I never got a break. She was now fed, changed, and bundled up, so I kept my fingers crossed that I could soothe her enough to get something done around my apartment. There were two baskets of unfolded laundry, dishes to be unloaded from the dishwasher, carpets that needed to be vacuumed, and I hadn't showered since I'd been in the hospital. Everything around me felt like it was falling apart.

I walked around my tiny living room, bouncing Ruth in my arms and trying to figure out what I could do while simultaneously coaxing her to sleep for a little while. I managed to pick up a few odds and ends, tidy up a bit, and toss a couple throw blankets over the back of the couch. I considered putting her in the stroller and taking a walk, but it was nearing dusk; I didn't want to be out when it got dark and the temperature cooled off.

She was dozing, seemingly peacefully, so I took a chance and lay her down in her crib, two more tightly rolled receiving blankets tucked against her sides to create the illusion of still being held. It was a trick I'd read about on some mothers' website, and I decided to give it a shot. Despite all the professional and clinical warnings to never put anything into the crib with a newborn, this seemed safe. Plenty of people had confirmed using tricks like this one, and Ruthie did very little moving at this age. Regardless, I stood there for several minutes watching to make sure she continued to breathe and didn't magically roll over, wiggle down to the rolled blankets, and suffocate. I'd never been so paranoid in my life. I reluctantly turned on some soft classical music and slipped out of the bedroom.

Just when I thought it was safe to rush myself through a three minute shower, there was a knock on my door. Seriously? If it was some kid selling magazine subscriptions or another underpaid salesperson offering apartment insurance, I was going to freak out. To my surprise, there stood Kate, holding a glass vase with a large, multicolored bouquet of flowers and a brown paper grocery bag in her other arm.

"Kate! What are you doing here?" I asked, whispering loudly so as not to wake the baby.

"Waiting for you to let me in!" she teased, and I opened the door wider, immediately blushing at the state of my home. Another surprise came when I saw Angela, the nurse, behind her, plastic grocery bags dangling from her forearms and weighing her down.

I gaped at them.

"What's all this?" I'd never seen so many groceries for one single person, and I was completely perplexed by why they would have done this.

"Come on, let's get these unpacked," she said, setting her packages down and giving me a quick hug. Angela smiled and greeted me, asking if it was okay to start putting them away. I just nodded dumbly, gesturing toward the cupboard where I kept dry foods.

I told them Ruth was asleep and that I was just getting ready to shower, and they insisted I go ahead; if Ruthie woke, one of them would get her. Flustered and a little overwhelmed, I acquiesced, grabbing a fresh towel out of dryer and heading for the bathroom.

Fifteen or twenty minutes later I emerged, having taken advantage of Kate and Angela's presence and enjoyed the opportunity to thoroughly scrub myself clean, do a minimal amount of pampering, and redress myself in something comfortable and clean. I was amazed – and slightly embarrassed – to find my living room and kitchen tidied up. Vacuum lines were evident across the carpet, nothing lay out of place any longer, and Angela was holding Ruth and cooing softly to her while Kate put away my dishes.

"This is really all too much," I said immediately, my pride getting the best of me. "I can't believe you guys bought all that food. It must have cost a fortune. I'll pay you back."

They looked at each other, a silent exchange that I didn't understand. Hell, I didn't understand why Kate had brought Angela with her. As far as I knew, they'd only just met yesterday at the hospital.

"Thank you," I added hastily, remembering my manners.

"It's not us you should thank," Kate told me, pausing from behind the kitchen counter. My apartment was small, so the entire living area was open, separated only by the bar top in between.

"What do you mean?"

Angela stepped closer, handing Ruthie to me. "You remember meeting Edward Cullen yesterday?"

"Of course," I answered nervously, my eyes focused on my daughter.

"I've known him for several years. Yesterday when you left, he, Garrett, and I were talking."

"Yeah, I saw that." I felt a little uncomfortable at the idea of them standing around talking about me, but I was also curious to know what had been said and how it got Angela and Kate here tonight.

"Bella, he's a really good guy," she told me softly, her eyes almost pleading. "He feels awful, and he just wanted to do something to help."

My head whipped to Kate. "You knew about this? Why didn't you say something?"

"No! I didn't know anything until Garrett and I were headed home. He told me about his conversation with Edward."

"He asked me to come help you a little . . . figured you might still be a little sore and tired from the accident," Angela added.

For some reason, realizing that all this had been from the man who had nearly killed me and my daughter infuriated me.

"Well, you can pack it all up and take it back to him!" I nearly yelled. "I don't want anyone's charity, and I don't want to be a part of someone throwing their money around to ease their guilt for putting a newborn and a poor little single mother in the hospital!"

"Bella!" Kate admonished, but I was already so frustrated that I started crying. Stupid, stupid hormones!

Angela immediately lifted Ruthie back out of my arms and sat in the rocking chair with her while Kate pulled me beside her on the couch.

"No one is trying to make you feel bad or take pity on you. You trust Garrett, don't you?" I nodded as she pulled me into her arms and held me in a way I hadn't realized I needed. "He's always been a good judge of character, and I know you know that. He wouldn't have agreed to any of this if he didn't think this Edward guy was being genuine. He just wanted you to know that he's sorry for the accident."

"And he knows that I've been taking side jobs doing in-home care," Angela added. "He knows my family and that I have kids of my own. We worked together briefly. I like you, Bella. It's the reason I remembered you and Ruthie when they brought you in the other day. If I can make things easier for you at all, I'm more than happy to."

"Please, honey, just accept this little gesture." Kate hugged me tighter, kissing the top of my head. "You've been so tough through everything, and this was just bad luck for everyone involved. But you and Ruthie are okay, and that's what really matters. I don't think he sees this as charity; what happened was an accident – unintentional – and from what Garrett told me, Edward thought it might help to take care of some of the little details since you're already dealing with so much with a newborn."

I sat quietly for a few minutes, leaning into Kate and letting their words sink in. It still felt completely awkward to accept so much from this guy – a complete stranger – but I had to take their perspective into consideration. The money he must have spent on the car seat and groceries were more than I was comfortable with, but I couldn't deny that I needed them. I just needed to swallow my pride and accept them gratefully. On top of all that, the idea of having someone around every so often to help me out was so tempting. It had only been two weeks with Ruthie and I was utterly exhausted, and Angela seemed so sweet; it would be nice to have another adult around.

"Okay," I finally said, and it seemed to be enough for both of them.

"I thought I might come by and take you two in for Ruthie's checkup tomorrow. What time is it?" Angela asked.

"You don't have to do that," I said. "Wait? Is he paying you for that, too?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I just saw it on her chart before she was released yesterday. If you have another ride it's fine; I just thought I'd offer."

"That would be really helpful, actually."

"Good, then." She smiled warmly at me, and I remembered how kind she had been to me, both when Ruthie was born and when we met again. I felt like I could trust her . . . that maybe we could be friends.

They stayed a little longer, helping me make dinner (and actually eat it without a demanding newborn in my arms) and getting Ruthie a bath before we faced the night. Kate hugged me tightly before saying goodnight, apologizing for catching me so off guard, and Angela stayed just a little longer, giving me a few tips and tricks of mothering she had learned both from her own life and her work experience. I hugged her as well when she left, and though I was still a bit dazed by the entire evening, I felt refreshed.

Ruthie and I settled into our evening routine, and that night, I kept her close to me in my bed, spoiling both of us a little.

.

The appointment the next day went well, and though Ruth's pediatrician wanted to keep an eye out for any residual effects of the accident, she felt that proceeding as normal with her regular checkups would be fine. She said that if I noticed anything out of the ordinary to bring the baby in immediately, but otherwise, we were quite lucky.

"Want to get some lunch?" Angela asked on our way home. I looked at her warily. "My treat, I swear."

"I need to nurse and change Ruthie first."

"How about I drop you off, and I'll go pick something up. We can walk down to that little park near your place and have a picnic. I'm sure some sunshine and fresh air would do us all some good."

"That actually sounds amazing," I said with a smile.

Not long after, we strolled in the early afternoon sunlight, pushing the baby in her stroller. Kate and Garrett had been extremely generous when I was pregnant and bought me one that a car seat could clip onto. I really only had the bare essentials, most of which had been purchased at the local resale shop, but they served our needs well enough. Ruthie seemed content, as she was sleeping peacefully, and I hoped she would stay that way when our walk ended and Angela and I sat down to eat.

I felt frumpy beside her, though I didn't mention that. Despite having two children of her own, Angela was tall and thin. I guessed she was about five-nine, and she carried herself comfortably. In a simple blouse, slim jeans, and sparkly flats, she looked like a movie star in comparison to me. For the trip out of the house today, I had forgone my usual sweatpants and put on a pair of track shorts and a tank top with a lightweight hoodie. Ratty old sneakers kept my feet from getting too achy, but they didn't exactly improve my outfit. I wondered if I'd ever fit into any of my old clothes again or if a day would come when I could stop wearing nursing bras with little cotton pads in them to keep from leaking all over my shirt. Why didn't anyone ever warn expectant mothers about _that_?

"So how have you been feeling . . . really?" Angela asked. "Being a new mother is hard enough. I can't imagine having to do it without someone else around."

"I don't know. It's hard," I said, taking a bite of the sandwich she'd gotten me and savoring the fresh vegetables and multigrain bread. "I'm tired all the time, and there are moments I burst into tears for no reason at all. I don't have any experience with this, so I can't say how or if it would be different if Ruthie's dad was around."

She nodded thoughtfully, but she didn't pry for details.

"Will you tell me about him? About Edward?" I asked. "It still feels so weird that he's been so insistent about making things up to me. I mean, wouldn't most people just let their insurance company take care of everything and try to stay away from the other party?"

Angela seemed taken aback by my questions, but she sipped her drink and considered what I'd asked.

"We met while he was in his residency program," she started.

"He's a doctor?" I was surprised.

"Yes, but not practicing. He completed residency but went into research and more study. He was always good with the patients, but he was always so engrossed in reading journals and case studies. Labor and delivery was only a brief segment of residency, but we found out our parents knew each other. His father and my mother worked together for several years – they're both doctors. We realized we had actually met a few times when we were kids."

"That's kind of crazy."

"Yeah, I always thought so, too. The Cullens are a really great family. He's not perfect by any means, but Edward is a genuinely good guy."

"So what does he do now, if he's not working in a hospital or anything?"

"Well," she started, picking at her fruit salad, "we didn't have much time to catch up, but he said he's been doing some consulting."

I went on to ask for more of an explanation, and Angela mentioned the name of a popular TV crime drama.

"He works on that show?" I exclaimed incredulously. "That's crazy! How does someone even get involved with something like that?"

"I guess he did it for some movie. A friend of his was a producer or something like that, and after that, Edward made connections and . . . I guess it just worked out that way for him."

"Wow," was all I could manage.

"So what happens now?" I asked. "Is he planning to just keep paying you to come over to my apartment and clean and take care of Ruthie for me?"

She seemed to have caught my tense tone; she reached across the table and stilled my tapping fingers with her hand. "He's offered," she admitted, "but it's really up to you, Bella. If I make you uncomfortable, we don't have to do this. I only want to help."

"No!" I assured her. "You've been so sweet to me, and I like having you around. It's . . . nice having the company. I feel like we're becoming friends."

A smile lit her face, her eyes shining behind her stylish glasses. "Me too."

"I just don't want anyone's pity. Yes, this is hard, and my home might not be immaculate all the time, but I can manage on my own."

"No one pities you, Bella. We sympathize, but no one has said you can't be a great mother and take care of yourself and your daughter. You don't have to do it on your own, though. Edward's not asking for anything in return, and neither am I. If you'll let me be around, I'd love to help however you like."

"I need to think about it a little more."

"Of course."

After sitting and enjoying the afternoon a little longer, we decided to walk a bit more before heading back with Ruthie. She would need to be fed and changed again soon, and I didn't want her to get too hot, even though the canopy over her seat shielded her from the sun.

"Here's my number and my work schedule for this week," Angela said after helping me get Ruthie and myself settled. If you need anything at all, please call me. Otherwise, I'll see you Friday, okay?"

"Sounds great," I said with a heartfelt smile. She hugged me close to her, pausing before she left to stroke the top of Ruthie's head gently.

Once the baby was fed again, I held her in my arms and propped my laptop on a folding table beside my chair so I could navigate on it one-handed. I was lucky to have my computer from when I still worked a real job, though it was an older model and could stand to be replaced. I opened a search window and Googled childcare in my area, then began opening a series of other tabs on job sites. I would need to go back to work soon, and I knew that though Kate and Garrett paid me better than most of their other staff, my earnings from a restaurant wouldn't suffice for me _and_ a baby, especially with the impending medical bills I was going to receive any day now from Ruth's delivery and the series of appointments a newborn would have.

After an hour, I sighed to myself and closed my eyes, keeping my arm firmly around Ruthie on the pillow I used to prop her up. There was so much on my plate; maybe having Angela around a few times a week wouldn't be such a bad thing.


	3. Chapter 3

_**~Edward~**_

I woke from another night of fitful sleep, drenched in sweat with horrid images still lingering in my mind. I saw the old blue coupe jerk off the road as I collided with it, spinning out and crunching against a thick tree. This time, however, when the ambulances and fire trucks appeared, a blaze of flashing lights and sirens all around me, the occupants were mangled and covered in blood. Suddenly, there were horrified screams. Fingers pointed at me, proclaiming me a murderer. Handcuffs dug into my wrists, and I was led away, read my Rights, and roughhoused into a jail cell that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Haggard criminals surrounded me, calling me a baby killer and spitting in my face, condemning me to a life of guilt and shame. Death would have been a relief from my anguish, but that was more than I deserved.

Rising from my bed, I shook away my nightmares and raised my arms above my head, stretching toward the ceiling and loosening my tense muscles. After a piss, a scrub of my face with a cold washcloth, and a glass of water refilled in the bathroom sink, I changed into shorts and sneakers, firing up my treadmill and turning on the news. Halfway through my run, I reached for the remote that controlled the overhead fan and turned it up to high, circulating air through the bedroom in hopes of a little relief from the heat I was creating. As I caught up on politics, nationwide weather, and pointless human interest stories, I let the physical exertion take the place of my stress and guilt. When I'd completed my normal ten miles, I grabbed the bar that I'd mounted in the doorframe and completed my usual routine of pull ups.

A cold shower and a protein shake followed before I dressed for the day and checked my schedule. I had to fly out for a meeting with the writers tomorrow to go over their outlines for the next three episodes and provide my input and expertise along with the other medical consultant for the series. Grabbing the print copies I'd made, I took my stack of papers and a pen and headed for the patio. My home was slight and modest in comparison to my neighbors, but it was still part of a very nice subdivision. I'd had my in-ground pool installed last year after the check came from consulting on the movie that broke me into this side of the entertainment business. Helping screen and scriptwriters create realistic and accurate material had never been my intention when I began studying medicine, but the work was lucrative and allowed me to continue doing what I really loved: research and writing for medical journals.

I managed to get through what I would need to be prepared for the next day, making detailed notes and observations so I wouldn't leave anything out when the meeting came, but my mind had started to drift toward the end.

Try as I might to ease my conscience, I was haunted by the car accident I had caused the week prior. It still felt as though it had just happened. I had been on my way to pick up a birthday present for my nephew Jasper that evening. The little car had been in my blind spot, and in addition to it being an awful time of day to be on the road, I was exhausted. Sleep had been a problem for nearly half a year, and no amount of caffeine ever helped keep me alert. I was only trying to merge into the right lane to allow the van behind me to pass. The impact had shocked the hell out of me, but by the time I swerved back into my lane, Isabella Swan's tiny car was already spinning out. It had been just the wrong angle to force her car into that rotation, and though I didn't see the impact, I heard it. I had pulled off the road and was out of my truck in what felt like seconds, staring at the wreckage in horror. Life seemed to go into slow motion all around me then. Other vehicles had pulled over as well, and a small crowd ran toward the wreck. A tall black woman with a serious expression forced me back toward my truck, pulling down the tailgate and making me sit. I heard her tell someone I was most likely in shock, and somewhere in my head I agreed that she was probably right.

Then there were colored lights, emergency vehicles, and more people everywhere. As a police officer questioned me and wrote up a citation, I saw EMTs rolling a stretcher toward an ambulance and was relieved when someone said the woman was alive. Everything changed when I saw an infant seat being carried toward a second ambulance. I immediately pushed the officer away from me and vomited into the tall grass at the side of the road.

I answered questions numbly as the ambulances sped off and emergency crews directed traffic. The blue car was towed away, and somewhere in between, my sister was there. Her arms wrapped around my body, pulling me toward her car. My brother-in-law climbed into the driver's seat of my truck and led us back to my house.

They didn't leave me until my parents arrived, and they stayed late . . . too late. I explained what had happened, and everyone understood that it was simply an accident, but they all knew why it affected me so.

Guilt-ridden and ashamed of myself, I thought about things I'd forced to the back of my mind months ago. I'd passed out on my sofa and woke with a stiff neck in the morning. I found my wallet, car keys, and the citation paperwork from the police officer on my kitchen counter. I read it over, finding the name of the other driver on the form: Isabella Swan. Beneath it were the details of the passenger. _Infant; name unknown. Approx. age: 1-2 months._ I felt like vomiting again, but all I had left inside was remorse.

As if I was possessed, I ran to my computer and searched for child seats with the highest safety ratings and printed out the details of them. After quickly getting myself cleaned up and out the door, I went to every store in town that sold infant merchandise until I found what I was looking for. I didn't look at the cost; I just innately felt like I needed to do it. The carrier that had been in the car could never be used again, and it was my obligation to replace it. My insurance company would have covered the cost, but I doubted anyone would think about that before they were discharged from the hospital . . . as long as they were all okay.

After that, I found myself in the hospital lobby, pleading with the receptionist to give me any kind of update I could get out of her. She was tight-lipped, so I called my father and begged him to see what he could find out. He told me to go home, but I couldn't leave. Finally, my phone buzzed, and there was a text from him. He didn't have details, but he'd been able to gather that both the mother and child were okay and would be discharged that day. So I sat and waited, hour after hour, until I saw a weary looking young woman with a tiny little infant. I knew she could have screamed at me and refused to take the new car seat, but she seemed too stunned to deny the gesture. I could tell my presence made her uneasy, and I didn't want to push, but being face-to-face with her and the child only amplified my need to make this all up to them. I couldn't explain it, but it was a feeling that welled up inside me, heating my spine and tingling in my neck. It was a compulsion, an absolute must.

As she disappeared, her friend stayed to speak with me, introducing himself and thanking me for the carrier. He told me he was grateful they were both safe, though his protective undertone was clear; he bade me to proceed with caution. Angela stepped up then, and though it was nice to see her after such a long time, my focus on Isabella . . . Bella . . . remained.

"What else can I do for her?" I asked them. "I'll do whatever I can. "

"I expect your insurance will take care of everything else," Garrett said, his expression impassive but serious.

I stood there thinking while Angela and Garrett introduced themselves, and an idea struck me.

"Angie, do you still do home care on the side?"

"Sometimes, yes," she said carefully.

"You can go help her. I'll pay whatever you want. Double your cost."

"Whoa, now," Garrett interrupted, eying me skeptically. "I know you feel bad, man, but throwing money around isn't the answer, and Bella isn't the kind of woman who likes taking handouts."

"It's not a handout!" I defended. "Don't you get it? I fucked up. Badly. If I had a child of my own . . . . Listen, I just want to make things easier for her for a little while. I'm sure she's stressed out enough as it is with a new baby. I remember how that was for my sister, and for you, Angela. Her body and her mind are going to need time to recover. Angela can help out a little – she's experienced. And . . . and groceries. Here," I said, pulling out my wallet and shoving a handful of bills into Garrett's hand. "Fill up her fridge, then she has one less thing to worry about for a week."

Our discussion cooled, and after a few minutes, they both agreed. Garrett was cautious but suggested his wife and Angela could stop over the following night after Angie got off her shift at the hospital.

"Anything I can do to help, I will," I told Garrett, nearly pleading with him to believe my sincerity. "You don't know me from Adam and neither does your friend, but I want to do this. She and that baby deserve it."

"Thanks," he told me before heading out the door to take Bella home.

I gave Angela my updated contact information and asked her to call me soon so we could make some arrangements.

"She might not want my help, Edward," Angela told me gently. Always the perfect nurse, there was nothing but concern and sincerity in her expression.

"I know, but we can try."

"We can," she agreed, cooling my anxiety with her soothing reassurance. "I'll let you know how it goes."

"Thanks again. Give the kids a kiss from me, and tell Ben I say hello."

"I will." She smiled, squeezing my bicep and giving me a nudge toward the door. As I rounded my truck, I took noticed the scrapes and dents on the passenger side and made a mental note to have it taken to the body shop and to put a call into my insurance company to let them know a claim would be coming in shortly from Ms. Swan's provider.

.

"Three times a week," Angela explained to me as I walked down the airport corridor to board the tram and make my way toward my gate. "And you don't have to pay me."

"Of course I'll pay you!" I objected. "Are you crazy?"

"I'm serious, Edward. I feel more like I'm stopping over to see a friend. We mostly just sit around and gab anyway. I like helping with the baby, and she gets some of her things done while I'm there or catches up on rest."

"Angie, you know I love you, but you're out of your mind. You already work forty hours a week, and you have a family to take care of. I'll start sneaking into your house and shoving money in the boys' piggy banks if you don't take it."

She sighed, but there was a light laugh behind the breath. "Fine, you win, but I swear I don't mind. She even told me I could bring the kids over some time. I think she's lonely. She said she doesn't have any family, and Garrett and Kate are the only friends she speaks of."

"No mention of the dad?"

"She hasn't talked about one, no. It's so sad . . . . She's a wonderful person. Obviously had her share of bad luck, but she's sweet and seems so smart."

"Listen, I just got to the gate, and I have to check in for my seat assignment, but I'll call you when I'm back in town, okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"And listen," I added. "If there's anything else she needs, take care of it. I'll reimburse you."

"You've really done enough already."

We said our goodbyes, but I couldn't agree with Angela. Nothing would feel like enough. I had taken a single mother with a newborn and turned her life upside down. Money meant nothing to me – it was just something else I had. I would give it all to that woman if she needed it.

As I settled into my seat on the plane, I felt so grateful for Angela and her willingness to help. If Bella would have accepted me, I'd have been the one at her apartment helping. Somehow, I didn't think that would go over very well, but perhaps she'd allow me to meet with her sometime and apologize again, properly. It was most likely wishful thinking on my part, but it was a hope I had nonetheless.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sometimes, life is hectic & I don't reply to reviews. I try, though. Regardless, each & every one is read and appreciated. Now on to what you really want :)**

* * *

><p><em><strong>~Edward~<strong>_

I arrived home just in time for family dinner at my parents' house, and I was greeted immediately by my toe-headed nephew, who ran straight into my arms.

"Uncle Eh-ward!"

I hugged him close to me, spinning us about until my sister came over and smacked my arm for getting him so wound up. I was shuffled toward the kitchen, where everyone was gathered, and was immediately inundated with questions about my flight, the trip, and how the writing sessions went. I filled them in on the surface details but quickly redirected the conversation to all of them. My brother-in-law Emmett took over, telling us about the new parent-and-tot gymnastics class he had started doing with Jasper. Apparently, Jasper's shaggy blond hair had made him a hit with all the teachers, and we all had a good laugh over that.

I spent the rest of the evening enjoying the company of my family and sharing a couple glasses of wine with them. I didn't leave until I was sure the alcohol had worked its way out of my system and I would be okay to drive. I departed before I could get too tired, even though my mother offered the guest room to me.

"Thanks, Mom, but there's just something about your own bed when you've been away from home."

"Of course, dear. Call us when you get home."

"I'm a grown man, and I live a mile and a half away."

"And I'm still your mother, therefore, I worry. At least text me."

"Sure." I smiled, giving her a kiss and hugging my dad. Emmett and Rosalie decided to leave at the same time, tucking a sleepy Jasper into his car seat.

"Golf Saturday morning?" Emmett asked, and I agreed, telling him I'd call to work out the details. We both slipped into our cars and set off for home.

I showered and fell into bed once I arrived back at my house, praying it would finally be the night my nightmares stopped, but I wasn't that lucky. I awoke four separate times, and I felt even more exhausted when I finally dragged myself out of bed in the morning. Instead of running, I did laps in the pool, hoping the water would revive me a bit.

Unsure if Angela would be working, I pulled out my cell phone a little while later and called her. The truth was, I felt desperate for an update on Bella and Ruth. Angie had told me the baby's name, and though I didn't know her at all, I felt an odd affection toward her. There was no answer to my call, so I left a message, hoping I'd hear back soon.

As luck would have it, Angela returned my call fifteen minutes later, saying she'd missed the call while she was packing the boys up to go over to Bella's. It was a gorgeous day, so I suggested she bring everyone over to my place. The boys could swim, and I was hoping to talk to Bella a little bit . . . to see if there was anything else I could do for her.

"Oh, Edward, that's really thoughtful of you, but I don't know."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure Bella would feel comfortable, you know?"

"You could convince her. Come on, Angela. You've known me for how long now? Three years? I'd really like to talk to her now that the shock has worn off. I just feel like . . . like I need to see for myself that they're both all right."

"Oh, Edward, you have the heart of a teddy bear. Tell me again why you're not married yet?"

"Because you were already married when I met you, Angie."

"Oh, geez! Shut up, you dumb flirt!"

We both laughed a bit and continued our short conversation. Eventually, she agreed that she would ask Bella if she'd like to accept my invitation. She didn't promise me anything; in fact, she told me to prepare for disappointment, but I was pleasantly surprised an hour and a half later when Angela called me and said they were all on their way. I quickly prepared a cooler full of bottled water, juice boxes I kept stocked up for my nephew, and some cans of soda I found in the little fridge behind my bar. Thanks to Jasper, yet again, I gathered some snack foods and paper plates and arranged everything out on the patio.

When the doorbell rang, I jogged to the front door, opening it, only to be nearly knocked off my feet by two little hurricanes.

"Michael! Tyler! If you break anything in this house, I swear you'll be cleaning Edward's pool instead of swimming in it!"

I laughed, glancing from Angela to Bella, noticing that she was smiling as well.

"Can I help with that?" I asked, gesturing toward Ruthie's carrier. Bella hesitated momentarily, looking nervous, but she allowed me when I said I'd show her the way to the patio. I glanced down at the baby, who looked absolutely darling, fast asleep in her seat.

I showed everyone around, amused by the boys' excitement. I pointed out where the bathroom was and gestured down the hall toward the guest bedroom, welcoming Bella to use it whenever Ruthie needed changed or a place to nap. We finally made our way out to the patio and the pool. Angela hollered again, halting her three and four year old children from jumping into the pool before she could put sunblock on them. They groaned but came back to her, pouting as she sprayed them down and made sure it had absorbed before they were allowed to swim.

I sat at the table, beneath the shade of the umbrella, watching Angela settle herself and Bella lift the baby from the carrier.

"Thank you for coming," I said to both of them, my eyes lingering on Bella for a moment longer in hopes that she would sense my sincerity. "It's nice to have company. Mostly, it's just my family who come over."

"You have a really nice home," Bella replied quietly, her eyes focused on the baby.

"Hey," Angela interjected suddenly, "I think I'm going to hop in with the boys. It's hot today, and I can't resist the lure of the pool." She was grinning widely, standing and grabbing her bag. "Boys! I'm going to change! Be good for Edward and Bella!" The children yelled back in acknowledgement, and Angela disappeared into the house.

"How've you been?" I asked Bella carefully, watching her lightly bounce the baby in her arms.

"Pretty well, I suppose. Not much sleep, of course, but that's what most new parents say, isn't it?"

"It's what I hear, though I wouldn't know from personal experience." I looked away, lost in thought for a few moments.

"Angela's been great. I really appreciate you . . . you hiring her. You didn't have to do that."

I looked back at her, smiling slightly. For some reasons, I couldn't help it, no matter how awkward this felt.

"You know, she would have done it for free. I had to force her to take any pay for it, but she finally agreed when I told her I'd give it to her boys for video games."

To my surprise, she giggled, shaking her head.

"Well, it's really more than I ever expected. The groceries . . . the flowers . . . the car seat . . . . I don't expect anything from you."

"I know you don't. Garrett was very clear about that; it actually took a bit of convincing to get him to agree, but it's the very least I could do. What happened that night . . . I just didn't see you there, and for what could have happened . . . ."

"Edward," she cut me off, "I don't want to dwell. It's taken me the last couple weeks to accept that. Neither of us can change what happened. I'm just grateful that we weren't hurt too badly. Cars and things can be replaced; life can't."

I cleared my throat and stood.

"Care for a drink?" I choked out, my eyes trained on the cooler. "Boys? Want to come out and have a juice box?"

Michael and Tyler cheered, clamoring out of the pool and over to me. I handed them each a drink and placed a bottle of water in front of Bella just as Angela came back outside.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment . . . ."

I walked quickly into my house, closing my bedroom door behind me and grabbing my phone.

"Hey, man, what's up?" said the voice on the other line.

"Hey, Em. I'm having one of those days."

"Shit, that sucks. What happened?"

"Angela is here with the kids today," I explained. "She brought the girl from the accident – Bella – with her. She said something about it, and I guess it just triggered it, you know?"

"Listen, Edward, you know I love you, and I understand why you don't like talking to anyone else in the family about what happened before, but it's been months and you're not doing any better. Are you still having nightmares?"

"Yeah."

"I think you ought to see a therapist. There's no harm in talking to someone, and it might help you work through some of this. I gotta run, but think about it. If you want to talk some more, I'll be home tonight, but I don't think our conversations are gonna cut it."

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know. My head's just so screwed up, but I have guests. I should go."

"Okay, E. Go enjoy the sun and fun. Remember, golf Saturday. We can talk more then."

We said our goodbyes, and I went into my bathroom, splashing water on my face and trying to compose myself. I felt like I was suffocating in here. Maybe a second dip in the pool today would help. Stripping off my shirt, I tossed it on my bed and moved out to the hall. I nearly ran into Bella when she rounded to corner, looking around.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" she said, her eyes darting away from my face and down my body before meeting my eyes again. "I was just looking for the guest room."

"My fault," I mumbled in apology, gesturing toward the first door in the hall. "It's right here. There's an en suite bathroom, and there are towels under the sink if you need anything."

She excused herself, carrying Ruthie into the bedroom and shutting the door softly.

"Everything all right?" Angela asked as I came back out.

"Yep," I said, redirecting my attention to her boys. "Cannonball!"

With a splash, I entered the pool and carried on playing with the kids until they were exhausted and hungry. Angela pulled two packed lunches out of her bag and got them arranged at the table while I went inside to put something together for the adults. I had just pulled out all the ingredients for sandwiches and some potato salad my mom had sent home with me.

"Want some help?" I heard behind me, and I turned to see Bella smiling sweetly, Ruthie awake and alert.

"Oh, I think I can manage. What do you like on your sandwiches? Is ham okay?"

"Um, I prefer just cheese and veggies. I read something about eating meat while pregnant and nursing and I . . . well, I never really ate much of it, so I stopped several months ago. Let me just go give Ruthie to Angela and I'll come help you."

"I can hold her," I offered, taken aback by my own words.

Bella looked hesitant, but after a moment of consideration, she nodded and held that baby out to me. As I slipped my arm under hers, being careful to support Ruthie's head, I felt a shock of energy. My breath caught, but I wrote it off as nerves. I hadn't held a baby this small since Jasper was born, and that was two years ago.

"Thanks," she said softly, giving me a half smile. "So what do _you _like?"

"I'm a guy. Whatever you make is fine with me, just no mustard."

"If you don't like mustard, why do you keep it in your fridge?"

"Well, I guess it's for other people. My sister used to whine about me never having any, so I bought it for her."

"That's thoughtful."

I laughed lightly. "You don't know my sister. She'd punch me every time she came over and wanted some on a sandwich or hot dog."

"You're close to your family?"

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"You're lucky," she said, piling layers upon layers onto the sandwiches.

"Very true . . . . Angela told me . . . . Sorry, it's not my place to ask," I amended.

"No, it's fine," she replied. "My mom took off with me when I was a baby. When my dad went after her, she said she was never coming back, so she left me with him and basically disappeared. We never heard from her again."

"Did you ever try to find her?"

"No . . . . Why go in search of someone who doesn't want you? She admitted to my dad that she didn't want any of it – the family or the shotgun wedding. If she cared, she would have shown up at some point."

"And your dad?" I prompted.

"He died doing what he loved. The man spent every minute he wasn't working or watching baseball out fishing. His little fishing boat capsized in a storm. They said it must have been a blow to the head that knocked him out. He drown."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm okay now," she said, smiling as though she was remembering something fondly. "It's been a while. I was in college. His life insurance saw me through the rest of my undergrad."

"How old are you now?" I asked out of curiosity. She looked so young to me. "I mean, if you don't mind me asking."

"It's fine. I'll be twenty-six in September. You?"

"Just turned thirty-three."

"I figured you were somewhere around there, since Angela said you'd finished residency. Hey, I think we're all set, unless you wanted anything else."

"No, this is great."

Ruthie had been absolutely perfect as we talked, cooing and gurgling sweetly. I couldn't resist running the tip of my finger down her tiny nose. Her wide blue eyes met mine, making me smile instantly. For something so small, she really was beautiful.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I asked if you were ready."

"Sure. Are you ready, Little Miss?" Ruthie squeaked, as if in response, and the three of us walked back outside together.


	5. Chapter 5

_**~Bella~**_

"Is it weird to be attracted to a man who almost killed you?" I asked Kate, sighing heavily.

She actually laughed.

"If he tried to bludgeon you with a hammer, yes, it would be weird. If he accidentally knocked you off the road then bought you a new car seat, groceries, and is paying a nurse to come help you with the baby . . . and if he looks like he could be male model . . . then I'd say no, not weird at all."

"Kate!" I whined. "You're not helping."

"What? You asked."

"It just feels so weird! I mean, I don't want to date him or anything, but he's just . . . hot. He stood there holding Ruthie, talking to me like he wasn't shirtless and all abs . . . and pecs . . . and oh my gosh, he's got that V, Kate!"

"And a happy trail?"

"Yes!" I squealed. It took me a moment before I realized she was teasing. "Don't be mean. It's been forever since I've even looked at a guy, and this one is so out of my league anyway. I was just looking. I couldn't _not_ look when he was right there in front of me. It's not like I'm in any condition to be attracting attention from a man anyway."

Kate waved her hands in front of her. "Whoa, stop. What are you talking about?"

"Look at me. I'm all lumpy like a Cabbage Patch doll, and my face is still puffy and round – again, like a Cabbage Patch doll."

She shushed me, trying to tell me that I was being ridiculous and that I was still beautiful. A lot of good that did me coming from a woman. A married, straight woman, at that. It was fine, though, because all my worrying was for naught. My point was only that Edward was really hot and that I felt a little odd thinking so, all things considered. Then again, it was probably no stranger than hanging out at his house and letting him hold my baby while I made him lunch.

"Stop overthinking," Kate said, interrupting my thoughts. "He's a nice man. I know that feels strange because it would be easier to forget about him and move on with your life, but I don't see any harm in him being around every once in a while. Do you?"

"I guess not," I grumbled. People had met in stranger circumstances, hadn't they?

"Good. How about you let me snuggle up on that precious little pumpkin now?"

Just like that, Ruthie was out of my arms, into Kate's, being kissed and fawned over like she was the only baby in the world.

.

A couple weeks later, I was packing Ruthie's things for another checkup when my phone rang. The number was local, but I didn't recognize it. Assuming it was likely an appointment reminder, I answered, cradling the phone against my shoulder.

"Bella? This is Edward."

"Edward . . . hi. What's up?"

"Angela just called me. She said she was supposed to drive you to Ruthie's appointment today, but Tyler has a fever, and he can't go to daycare. She didn't want to bring him around the baby like that."

"Oh, that's fine," I said. "I can call Kate and see if she's free."

"No, I was calling because I can take you instead. I don't have anything planned for the day, and I'm more than happy to help."

"Sure, that would be great, if you don't mind." A part of me felt nervous agreeing to his offer, but I gave him my address and continued getting everything ready, hoping I'd have time to finish nursing Ruthie before he arrived. Impulsively, I went to my bedroom and swapped my shirt out for something a little more flowy and flattering. Most of my old clothes fit again; they just didn't look as good as they used to. Maybe they were a little more snug, too. It was sort of like pregnancy had taken my body and remolded it like modeling clay.

Thankfully, everything was done and Ruthie was good to go before Edward arrived. He came to the door and took her carrier for me, and once we arrived at the pediatrician, he waited patiently in the lobby until we were finished.

"What did the doctor have to say?" Edward asked when we were heading back to his truck.

"She's doing great. Ruthie is developing steadily on her growth curve and was a perfect little girl for the doctor."

Edward smiled, looking at the baby fondly. "I'm really glad to hear it. You have no idea how awful I would feel if –"

"Stop," I told him immediately. "Let's not go there."

He stayed quiet for a while, but once we were on the road again, I saw him glance briefly in my direction.

"Do you need to stop anywhere while we're out? I don't have anything else going on for the day."

"Oh, no. I wouldn't want to take up any more of your time today," I insisted.

"Bella," he said seriously, "I wouldn't offer if it was an inconvenience. My schedule is completely clear, and if there are things you need to do, let's go. I'm sure it's not easy getting out of the house with a baby."

"Well, we're probably going to need more diapers in a day or two."

"Anything else?"

"No, I don't think so."

When we stopped at the grocery store, Edward offered to go inside for me, asking the brand and size we needed. I gave him the information and enough money for a small package, and I waited in the car. When he came back out, he was carrying a huge box as well as a box of wipe refills.

"What's all this?"

"I figured she's not going to be potty trained anytime soon, right?"

"You really didn't have to do that," I said, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. It wasn't as though I didn't appreciate the gesture; in fact, I was very grateful for his kindness, but it was so much.

He smiled slightly. "I know I didn't, but I wanted to."

A few minutes later, he looked over at me again. "Would you mind if I came in, or we could go to my house for a little while. There was something else I wanted to talk to you about."

His tone threw me off kilter a little, and I really couldn't imagine what he would want to discuss. It was strange because some moments I felt absolutely comfortable around him and others completely unnerved. The idea of Edward seeing my crummy little apartment after I'd been in his beautiful home wasn't my favorite idea, but I couldn't seem to tell him no.

"Umm, sure. You can come in, though Ruthie will probably want to eat again in a little while."

Once we made it into the apartment and were settled, I watched Edward carefully. Though I was self-conscious about my home, he didn't seem judgmental or uncomfortable.

As if on cue, Ruthie had cried the loud wail I knew meant she was hungry, so I excused myself to take care of her and lay her down for a nap. Thankfully, she stayed asleep when I put her into the crib. Upon my return to the living room, I found Edward sitting peacefully on my old sofa, a book in his lap.

"Hey," he said, smiling up at me.

"Hi. She's asleep. Knock on wood."

"Good. Come sit."

I hesitantly settled myself on the other end of the couch, tucking my legs under and hugging a pillow to my chest. I didn't know why he made me feel so uneasy; Edward had been nothing but kind and open with me since the accident. It wasn't that I felt unsafe around him, just . . . nervous. I never knew what to expect.

"You have so many books. Classics, anthologies, things I've never heard of. You've read them all?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, nodding. "I was always that kid who would read under the covers with a flashlight. I just love engrossing myself in someone else's world, whether it's a step back in history, fantasy, or a modern romance. There's something so freeing about being a part of another person's imagination. You get to be a part of a universe you'd never experience yourself, you know?"

"You're so passionate about it," he observed. I just nodded, smiling a little embarrassedly. "I can understand in a way. I don't read as much fiction as I wish I did, but I love reading. Studying. Finding new information. I always enjoyed research through my schooling. It seems so odd when medicine is largely a hands-on field, but I just appreciate the scientific side of it. There have to be both, and there's a certain thrill to discoveries and theories and sharing my methods and findings with others."

I noticed that most of my tension had left me as our conversation flowed. Edward was showing me a personal side of himself, and I was surprised with how much I was willing to share as well.

"It's so completely different, but the drive and passion behind it is kind of the same, huh?" I said.

"Yeah, it is. So how did you acquire this kind of collection? It must have taken years."

I smiled, turning to look at my extensive shelves of novels. They were crowded and crammed in, with tightly packed rows and stacks lying horizontally on top and in front of them. Organized chaos, but I couldn't bear to part with any of them.

"I worked as a copy editor out of college. It was menial work, but I still enjoyed it. I got to read so much, and it honed my skills. Plus, I got a lot of freebies," I explained, gesturing toward my library of books.

"What happened?" he asked. I couldn't help but feel that he was genuinely interested in my story.

I shrugged. "I thought I was in love. I let a man tell me he would take care of me, and I gave it up to be closer to him. I tried to find something comparable here, but that never happened, so I started working at Garrett and Kate's restaurant to supplement things a little and occupy my time. Then, I got pregnant, and . . . ." I trailed off, looking away from Edward's curious, engaged gaze.

"It's okay," he said softly, and I lifted my head to peek at him. "You don't have to talk about it now."

"Thanks," I mumbled. "I'd like to get back into something in that field or go back to school, but it's all so hard to coordinate right now. Ruthie comes first."

Of course, Ruthie seemed to know I was talking about her, and she squawked from the bedroom. I moved to stand, but Edward gestured me back down to my seat.

"Stay. I'll see what she needs."

It felt strange for him to make such an offer, but I couldn't seem to deny him. Ruthie cried for another minute, but I could hear Edward talking to her. He came out with her shortly after, holding her close to his chest and smiling fondly.

"Little Miss woke herself up with some stinky pants, but she's all better now, aren't you, sweet girl?" he said, running a finger gently down her arm. "You don't mind if she has her pacifier, do you?"

I shook my head, holding my arms out for her.

"It's all right. Why don't you take advantage? Is there anything you need to do?"

I laughed lightly. "There are always things to do. I guess I should start with the diaper pail. Thank you, by the way."

Edward stayed a little longer, keeping Ruthie occupied and remarkably happy while I took care of the apartment. She did eventually become fussy, though, and I knew she craved my voice and scent. I took her, and Edward seemed to use that as his transition to leave.

"Is there anything else you need?" he offered.

"No, thank you. We're good."

He was nearly to the door when he turned and looked at me. He seemed to be searching for words because he just stared at me for a moment before speaking. My stomach did an unexpected little somersault.

"I'm going to my parents' house on Sunday. Would you care to come along? My sister is an amazing mother, and I'm sure she would be a wealth of tricks and tips for you. And my nephew is a toddler now, so my mother would love the chance to love on a little baby." He pursed his lips, seeming almost worried as he awaited my response.

"I . . . ."

"You don't have to," he added quickly. "I just thought it would be a nice chance for you to get out of the house, and my family is great, but don't feel obligated."

"Edward, stop," I said, taking a step in his direction then pausing. "I think it would be helpful to talk to some other moms, and from what Angela has told me about your family, it would be very nice to meet them." A little weird, all things considered, but it probably _would _be nice to meet some new people.

"Great," he said, a wide smile spreading across his face before he slipped out my door, locking it behind him.

Had this day been real?

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><p><strong>EN: You are all sunshine & rainbows to me. Your support makes this worthwhile. If you like the story, go hug pipelynn; she bought me a blankie for this :)**

**My love to anyone who was in Irene's path. I'm right on the coast, but thankfully, all I had were a few sticks to pick up. So fortunate. I know not everyone else was. **


	6. Chapter 6

_**~Bella~**_

I was relieved when Edward, Ruthie, and I arrived at the Cullen's house to find Angela and her family there as well. Everyone was pleasant and sweet, but it was a nice buffer to have someone I knew and felt so comfortable around to take the edge off things.

"Bella, it's so lovely to meet you," said Edward's mother, Esme. She hugged me tenderly – not the hug I would have expected from a complete stranger. She had such a warm air about her that I couldn't help but feel comfortable in her presence. Edward's father was much the same, though his stunning good looks, even for an older man, made my eyes bulge a bit. Edward's sister and her husband arrived shortly after and greeted me with genuine smiles.

"How is it possible for an entire family to be this ridiculously attractive?" I whispered to Angela as we walked to the expansive brick patio out back. It led into a large garden yard with a maze of flowers and paths that the children were gleefully running through.

"I know, right?" Angela replied, elbowing me lightly. "I had the biggest crush on Carlisle when I first met him."

I just shook my head and laughed, finding a seat amongst the other adults and accepting a glass of homemade raspberry lemonade from Carlisle. Summer would be over soon, and it was so pleasant and relaxing to enjoy the day like this. I felt a little out of sorts without Ruthie in my arms, but she had been with Esme nearly the entire time we'd been there, though Rosalie was trying to get her turn in as well. I smiled at how much everyone seemed to like my little girl already. Babies deserved to be loved as much as possible, and I was happy for the attention she was receiving.

We all sat and talked, the adults taking turns to go chase and play with the children now and again. It was truly refreshing to meet new people and simply enjoy a relaxed day in the company of adults. Of course, I had to excuse myself from time to time to tend to my daughter, but everyone seemed to fit me back into the conversation as if I hadn't been gone at all.

Angela was different, yet not, in this casual setting. She made jokes and teased, obviously familiar with the Cullens. Her husband, Ben, was quiet but insightful. They seemed well matched for one another. Edward was right that both Rosalie and Esme often pulled me into conversations regarding mothering. I was able to express my woes and stress to them without feeling overly needy or uninformed, and they made more suggestions for taking care of a newborn than I could possibly remember.

It was also interesting to see Edward in his element with his family. They relaxed him, as I could so clearly tell. He wasn't a tense man, but his interactions with the people closest to him weren't quite the same as when we were alone. There was unspoken understanding – the familiarity that only family can have with one another – and it was crystal clear how much they all loved each other. It was nice to be around that and soak up the atmosphere, even if I wasn't a part of it all.

After a late lunch, the Cheneys left, and Emmett took Jasper upstairs for a nap. Esme seemed to have pulled a baby cradle swing out of nowhere that she explained had belonged to Jasper, and I was relieved by how much Ruthie seemed to love it. She was out within moments of being strapped in and set to a gentle sway. Everyone had moved inside, and Carlisle and Esme guided me on a tour of the house with Edward close behind us.

Their home was simply exquisite. It was larger than any house I had ever lived in, and everything about it felt so pristine and perfectly placed. Yet at the same time, it didn't feel superficial or cold. The family who inhabited and frequented this home gave it life and made it special. I learned that Esme was a semi-retired interior designer, which accounted for the décor. She told me how most of her time was invested in non-profit work, so she had cut back the number of jobs she took. Everything about them was welcoming and sweet.

I couldn't help but wonder when the nice little bubble I'd been floating along in would pop.

This wasn't my life, and these people, kind as they had been, were not my family. Sooner or later, Edward would get over his guilt and fulfill his need to make things up to me, and then I would lose these people I was already so fond of. It wouldn't be fair for me to get any more attached, and my stomach dropped as I thought of the impact it could have on Ruthie if it went on much longer. When she was a little older, she would become cognizant of the people around her, and when they were gone, she would know. The thought of her little heart aching for love and affection made my stomach churn.

"Are you all right?" Edward asked, popping his head into the quiet den where I was holding Ruthie in the rocking chair. The room was quiet and dark, filled with books, a gorgeous baby grand piano, and the heady scent of leather furniture. The rocking chair seemed somewhat out of place, but I could understand how it would be a good room for soothing Jasper to sleep while he was there.

"Just fine," I answered quietly. "She's asleep."

Edward sat on the nearby piano bench, facing me. His forehead was creased with concern, his eyebrows forming a harsh V.

"Is something wrong?" he pressed. "I'm sure it's been an intense day for you. If anyone has made you feel uncomfortable-"

"It's nothing like that," I said, cutting him off. "We're both just a little tired."

"Of course. I'll take you home. Let me say goodbye and gather Ruthie's things."

The goodbyes were pleasant, and the car ride back to my apartment was nearly silent. It was like walking back into a forgotten reality when I pushed open the door and allowed Edward to carry Ruthie's car seat inside. He lingered, and I wasn't really sure whether I wanted him to stay or go.

"Do you mind watching her while I make a sandwich or something?" I asked, not really meeting his eyes.

"I don't mind at all."

"I'm sorry. Would you like anything? I figured you'd want to go home, but you're welcome to have something to eat if you'd like. Some coffee maybe?"

He glanced down at Ruthie in her seat, then stepped closer to me. "I don't have anywhere to be. Why don't you let me help? You could use a break."

"I'm exhausted, actually," I said with a weak but honest smile. "It's hitting me now."

"Understandable," he said softly.

Together, we put together a light dinner and set the coffee pot for afterward. I didn't drink a lot of caffeine for Ruthie's sake, but from time to time I liked to have a cup, even if it was half-caf. Ruthie woke, and Edward picked her up, holding her in one arm while he managed to eat left handed. I watched him, struck by how comfortable he seemed with my daughter.

"You like children a lot, don't you?" I observed.

His eyes met mine, and something unspoken passed over him.

"I do. Jasper has been a real adventure and a learning experience like no other."

"You want your own?"

He nodded. "I didn't realize it until several months ago. I've always been so focused on work, but sometimes you have these moments . . . . Then, you just know something about yourself you never knew."

"I get that," I agreed. "Life is funny that way."

"Heh," he breathed, shaking his head but not saying anything more. I felt like there was some other story he wasn't sharing, but it didn't feel like it was my place to ask. Most of the time, I waited for Edward to volunteer information about himself.

After cleaning up, I took Ruthie and tended to her for a bit, and Edward was eager to have her back.

"You should go rest. She'll be up in a few hours ready to eat and play again."

"It's been a long day for you, too," I objected. "We'll be fine. You can go."

"Bella, I want to. Let me do this?"

His eyes were so beseeching in that moment, and for some reason, I felt like he was asking me for more than a couple hours to play with my daughter. There was some other need, whether it be continued remorse over the accident or something else within him. There was a great possibility that the day had been almost as emotional for him, revealing the people he nearly killed to his family. So I agreed, kissing Ruthie's soft wisps of hair and retreating to my bedroom.

As I lay down and thought about the day, it occurred to me that no one had mentioned or acknowledged the accident at all. We were just Bella and Ruthie, there to spend the day with the Cullen, McCarty, and Cheney families.

When I awoke, it was dark, and the only sound in the apartment was the faint hum of something on the television. It was unusual to wake up naturally, but it must have been something instinctual in me. When I looked at the clock, it was far past Ruthie's usual mid-night feeding time. My breasts felt tight and heavy from not nursing her, and I jumped out of bed immediately. I made my way out to the living room, adjusting to the low light of a lamp in the corner, and saw Edward peacefully asleep on the sofa. Ruthie lay on his chest, face turned to the side and his arm wrapped protectively around her. On the floor beside the couch was an empty baby bottle; he must have found some of the milk I'd pumped and given it to her so I could sleep longer.

I felt a little stunned stupid by the entire sight. Of all the attention and care Edward had given to Ruthie, I never expected to see him like that with my baby. The way he was holding her was so loving and tender that he looked completely natural, as if he was a parent. It was strange, yet so wonderful, and I was a little mesmerized. Ruthie was so serene and gorgeous, and Edward . . . he looked beautiful. I didn't realize what I was doing until my fingers were already in his hair, pushing it back off his forehead and feeling the thick, soft strands against my skin. He reached up and grabbed my wrist gently, startling me, and a moment later his eyes opened, blinking up at me.

"Bella?"

"Sorry," I said quietly, pulling away from him. It was the first time we had ever really touched, and my head swam at the feeling. I'd been hugged plenty, but it had been a really long time since I'd had anything beyond friendly affection. Edward's hand on me, however simple and instinctual as it was, felt different and new. "Go back to sleep. I'm just going to put Ruthie in her crib."

He allowed me to carefully lift the baby, watching me all the while, but I avoided his eyes for the most part. After getting her into the crib, I returned to the living room and covered Edward in a light blanket. He appeared to be asleep already, which I was grateful for. Finally, I took my breast pump from the kitchen and locked myself in the bedroom to give myself a little relief. Once I was finished, I crawled back into bed, and by the time Ruthie woke again around seven in the morning, Edward had already gone.

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><p><strong>EN: Sweet readers, I think you're lovey and kind to be here with me. Thank you. **


	7. Chapter 7

_**~Edward~**_

I stood in the pool with my father and Emmett, pushing Jasper back and forth between us in his little floaty boat. He smiled and laughed when we would rock him, content to be in the water on one of the fleeting days of summer. Mom and Rosalie had gone shopping, leaving us to have a boys' day together.

It was nice to spend some time with them, as I'd been working and researching so much to keep myself occupied. Though I hadn't seen her all week, Bella had been on my mind. Not just her, but Ruthie too. While quite an unexpected feeling, it had been that way since I brought them to spend the day with my family. The time I'd been around Bella had been limited, but I'd grown fond of her quickly. As resistant as she had been initially, she really seemed to have warmed up to me. Being around my family and friends, I felt like I had watched her bloom. She fit in so naturally with everyone, though I don't think she realized it. I knew she became uncomfortable toward the end of the night, even if she wouldn't tell me why, but it was obvious to me. Still, I loved having her there. Somewhere in the course of a few short weeks – hell, over the course of that day – she had gone from being someone to whom I felt obligated, to a woman who was truly important to me.

Then, at her apartment, I was glad I could help. She needed all the rest she could get as a brand new mother, so helping felt like the right thing to do. Of course, Ruthie was just amazing. I still had no idea what had happened with her father and why he wasn't around to help Bella, but that sweet baby girl was innocent and perfect and had a mother who loved her so much. It was nearly impossible not to love her, and I had fallen for the child instantly. She made me feel like I was doing something good, and I had noticed that my nightmares had subsided somewhat since spending more time with them. Amazing. It had been more than half a year since they'd begun.

"So, Edward," Emmett said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Bella, huh?"

"What about her?"

"You like her, man. Come clean."

I shook my head at him, smiling slightly as if it was a joke.

"She's a great girl. I appreciate everyone being so welcoming to her."

"Son," my father interjected, shooting me a skeptical look. "It's okay to admit you have feelings for the young woman. She's very sweet and quite pretty, I might add."

"Dad!"

"What?" he shrugged, giving Jasper's boat a push. "A man can make an observation."

Emmett just laughed at us, grabbing Jasper and spinning him in circles until his son giggled incessantly.

I sighed and pushed off the bottom of the pool, floating on my back toward the deep end to avoid further scrutiny from either of them. Unfortunately, they still persisted.

"What's the problem?" Emmett asked. "She's single, right? You like her. You like Ruthie. I don't see what's got your undies so twisted."

"All right," I said, giving in. "I do like her. It's absolutely crazy, and I don't think it could ever go anywhere, but . . . I'm a little enamored. Wow, take away my man card right now."

They both laughed heartily, but I could tell they weren't making fun of me.

"The circumstances may be unorthodox in both your eyes, but love has brought people together in stranger ways," Dad offered. "Just proceed with caution. Don't rush her, and be honest. All women need to be handled carefully, but someone like Bella, who has obviously been through so much and is now dealing with a newborn child on her own – she'll take a little extra effort, I'm sure."

As we continued to discuss things, they assured me the family would be supportive if I chose to pursue Bella in a romantic manner, but I wasn't quite sure if it was the right thing – or the right time – for our growing friendship. I didn't know where I would even start or how she would react to me.

I had to head out of town again the following day, so I checked in with Angela to make sure everything was going well. She assured me that both Bella and Ruth were well, and from her tone, I suspected that my new feelings for Bella were a bit more transparent than I had recognized. Thankfully, Angie didn't call me out on it the way the guys had.

.

All in all, my trip was smooth, and when I wasn't working, I was doing medical research. I had a few upcoming speaking engagements in the fall that I was preparing for, but there was something else distracting me.

I spent countless hours on the internet, making comparisons, reading up on safety ratings, and scouring Consumer Reports for every last detail I could find. I had a handful of ideas, and once those were prepared, it was just a matter of finding the time with Bella to get everything under control.

When I returned home, I took the opportunity to get myself settled and visited my parents that evening. Before turning down for the night, I called Bella and asked if I could take her and Ruthie out the following day. She pressed for information about what we would be doing, but I explained it was a surprise I had for her and afterword we could get lunch. She finally relented, and I had a smile on my face when I went to bed.

"So where is it that we're going?" she asked for the tenth time as I drove us toward our destination.

"You'll see in a few minutes," I assured her. I was undeniably excited, and I hoped she would be too once she realized my plan.

"Why are we at the Volvo dealership?" she asked, her voice flat and accusing. I looked over at her, and my smile fell. Her body was stiff, and she was glaring at me.

"You need a new car," I said with less confidence than I had prior to her scathing look. "I thought we could check some out."

"I can't afford a Volvo!" she exclaimed. "The settlement from my car probably isn't even enough for a down payment on one of these, let alone monthly payments. What were you thinking?"

I watched her face carefully, trying to find the right way to explain my intentions. I thought I'd be best off to just go for it.

"This is something I wanted to do for you, Bella. I understand your financial situation, but you and Ruthie need a safe, reliable vehicle. _I _can afford this. I want to. So much."

"No, Edward! Just . . . no! Groceries are one thing, but a _car? Seriously?_"

"Yes, seriously."

"No."

"Yes."

"Stop being a brat," she said, sighing and looking out the window.

"Will you at least come look? I'm guessing you haven't shopped for a new car before, and at least we can get an idea of what you like."

"No, Edward."

"We're already here. Please?"

She huffed and sat with her arms crossed for another couple minutes, but with a little quiet, she finally unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car to get Ruthie.

"We can go look, but that is it," she said, hoisting the carrier handle into the crook of her elbow.

"Thank you," I replied, hoping I could somehow get her to change her mind. These were some of the safest, most reliable vehicles available. Money didn't matter to me at all; she and Ruthie were my primary concern. Bella's old car hadn't stood a chance in our accident, and I couldn't let that happen again. I gently placed my hand on the small of her back and ushered her toward the entrance. She reached for the door, but I grabbed the handle, holding it open for her to proceed.

Needless to say, our visit didn't last long. Bella walked around the showroom as I introduced myself to a salesman who approached me. I could see her eyes go wide as she read the window stickers and saw the prices, but I knew she was ignoring all the other features that made the cars and SUVs such a great asset.

"See anything you like, Mrs. Cullen?" the salesman asked as we walked toward her. I took Ruthie's carrier to give her a break but didn't miss the way her face paled at the assumption that we were a family.

"Bella, this is Jared. Why don't we let him tell us a little about a few models?" I suggested.

She nodded numbly, looking at the nearest car.

"What do you prefer?" Jared asked. "With the little one I'm assuming it will be a sedan or an SUV?"

"Sedan. Compact, I think," she answered quietly.

"And mid-size, please," I added. "Safety ratings are a big factor."

"Will do, then," Jared answered with a smile, clearly not picking up on our tension. He was clean cut and friendly in the way most car salespeople were, and I was happy that he was none the wiser about our little dispute.

I provided Bella the keys to my car as I wrapped things up with Jared, taking his card and shaking his hand. I didn't promise to be in touch because I had no clue how this was all going to pan out with Bella, but if I had it my way, she would have driven off the lot with a brand new vehicle that day. Resigning myself to another inevitable confrontation, I made my way out to the car and found Bella already in the passenger seat.

"I'm sorry for ambushing you," I said sincerely. "It was supposed to be a surprise. I should have prepared you."

"I don't want to talk about it right now," she said firmly. "Can we just go home?"

I insisted on picking up lunch first, and she finally gave in to that. She even picked out the restaurant and called in our order. Once we were back at her place, I remembered that my mother had sent something for her and pulled it out of the trunk.

"Is that the swing?"

"Yeah," I answered, carrying it while she took Ruthie inside. "My mom thought you would get better use out of it here than at her house."

"You all do too much for me."

I set the swing up in the living room and turned back to her. "It's just a baby swing, and it's a loan."

"It's not just a swing. You can't just buy me a car, Edward! I really can't fathom what was going through your mind."

I looked at her, studying her expression and trying to take careful steps in the right direction. She had put the carrier down, and I lifted Ruthie out, moving her to the swing so Bella and I could have lunch.

"I want to help you. In any way I can. I ruined your last car, so I'd like to make sure you get a suitable replacement."

"You don't even know me," she said, nearly whispering. She had turned her back to me, setting our food out neatly.

I stepped closer, taking a dangerous chance and standing right behind her. I rested my hands gently on her shoulders and leaned in to speak softly in her ear.

"I want to. I'm beginning to. Please, _please_ let me do this one thing," I begged.

She turned, her body in such close proximity to mine that I held my breath for a moment. Looking up at me, she searched my eyes.

"Why is this so important to you?" she asked, her deep brown gaze piercing me. As she spoke, her hand moved to the side of my head, resting lightly against my temple. "There's something else going on inside here."

She could see it in me. Bella didn't know what I was hiding, but she was perceptive enough to realize that I was broken inside. It wasn't the reason I wanted her and Ruthie in my life, but it had shaped me enough to make me recognize an opportunity I couldn't let pass me by.

I covered her hand in mine and closed my eyes, breathing deeply through my nose.

"I'll tell you everything. Anything you want to know, Bella. Let's just eat first and worry about Ruthie, okay?"

She agreed, pulling away from me and sliding into her chair. We ate in relative silence, and afterward, I tidied up while she tended to Ruthie's needs. My mind swam with how this would go and what it would mean for me and Bella once she knew the truth. No one outside my family understood the full scope of things. Sitting on the sofa, I rested my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands, trying to find a calm place in my head to sort this all out.

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><p><strong>EN: WTF was Edward **_**thinking? **_** Why would I leave it without finally revealing Edward's past? When will I update again?**

**He's not really being rational, but his heart is in the right place. It's not meant to be a cliffie; you'll get answers in the next update…which will be in a week or less. **

**Flove you all. Extra kisses to pipelynn, to whom this is dedicated, and to jessypt for beta expertise. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: You'll notice that I've been posting weekly. Not necessarily a set day of the week, but things should continue that way until it's finished. I'd venture a guess that there may be 2 weeks between some updates, should life get too crazy. I don't like waiting any more than you do! I luff you all. You know the rest.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>~Bella~<strong>_

"I've always been very singularly minded when it came to my work and studies," Edward began from his side of the sofa. I was holding Ruthie, dangling a toy in front of her for her little hands to latch onto. "I've had a few relationships, but once I entered med school, I never let myself get serious with anyone. It was easier to have . . . casual relationships. No distractions. No worries."

I nodded in understanding, allowing him to continue.

"My final year of residency, I met Heidi. She was in her first year, so we crossed paths, worked together, and had mutual friends. It was happenstance, really. We'd flirted and played, and one day, things escalated. She said she was okay with being friends with benefits, essentially. We were both so busy all the time, constantly on call, and schedules were always difficult to coordinate, so I thought it was mutually beneficial.

"There was never any consistency about it, and things fizzled when I neared the end of my program. Then, I ran into her again one day, and it was easy enough to be casual and just have a little fun for distraction from work and life."

He paused, looking at me carefully.

"Does this bother you?" he asked.

"No, it's fine. Keep going," I insisted.

He nodded and wrung his hands together, readjusting his position on the couch.

"I could tell she wanted more. She called more often. She hung around longer. She asked me to do things with her friends. It got to a point where I had to go beyond firmness to get my point across. Finally, I was just plain mean. We got in a fight about it and I told her to back off. I didn't answer her calls or texts, and eventually, she seemed to give up.

"After a few weeks, she started up again. She wouldn't leave messages; she just called and called and called. She showed up the house one evening, and my family was over. It turned into a very uncomfortable scene. She was crying and begging me to talk to her, but I gave her the cold shoulder and told her to get out before things got to a point she didn't want. As in, I was about ready to call the police if she didn't lay off."

"Wow, that's intense," I murmured. Ruthie squirmed, so I stood up and bounced her a little. Edward shifted again as well, sitting up.

"It was, and I felt terrible that things had gotten to that point, but I didn't want what she did, and when all that started, it was so crazy. I had to then explain the situation to my family since they had been at my house, and of course, it's always fun to tell your family that your former sex buddy was freaking out on you.

"That blew over, though, and I thought everything had cooled off for good. Then, one night my dad called me from the hospital. Heidi had been killed in a car accident. Word spread around the hospital pretty quickly because so many people knew her." Edward was quieter and his pace had slowed. I stayed silent at first, but I put Ruthie onto her play mat and sat beside him.

"A car accident . . . . It makes sense now," I said, mostly to myself.

He turned and stared at me for a moment. His eyes were red and his expression as terrible as the first time we'd met in the hospital. "There's more."

"Okay. Go on then."

He nodded and took a deep breath. Just then, Ruthie started to fuss, and I looked at Edward apologetically.

"Go ahead. Take some time with her. I think I need to take a walk. I can just go if you'd like," he offered.

"No, Edward," I protested. "Go get some air, but please come back. You shouldn't be left with your thoughts after all this."

"Thank you," he said. He left the apartment, and I took Ruthie to give her an early bath and see if she was hungry again already. She fell asleep in my arms, and I yawned in kind, so I lay us down on my bed together. I fell asleep quickly, and it seemed like no time at all when Ruthie squirmed beside me, waking me from my rest. I checked the time and saw we'd slept for a solid three hours, and we went through our whole routine again.

I was relieved to find Edward in the kitchen, though also surprised by how busy and occupied he seemed to be.

"Hey there, sleeping beauties," he said, smiling up at us fondly.

"What's all this?"

"I needed something to keep me busy, and I thought you might like anything other than sandwiches for once. Little known fact, but I'm actually quite a good cook."

"It smells like it, but I won't give you my final verdict until I can try some of it," I teased. "How was your walk, by the way?"

"Good," he said, nodding. "I was out for a while, and then I talked to Emmett a little. He's been a big help for me through all of this. He's actually been trying to get me to see a therapist about it for a while, and I think it's time. Sorry if that's an overshare."

"No, it's absolutely fine. I could probably stand some therapy myself," I admitted. "I did a little with the school counselor when my dad died, and it was great, but it's been a while. I'm a firm believer that just talking to an objective third party is good because you can purge your thoughts and concerns to an unbiased listener."

"Yeah, it never hurts."

Edward refused to allow me to help with anything, so I kept Ruthie happy while he finished dinner and set everything out for us. I actually enjoyed watching him move about the kitchen. He was as naturally domestic this way as he always seemed to be with my daughter. It fit him, and I couldn't help but feel a little more of my increasingly difficult-to-fight attraction to him. It wasn't a good time to think about that, though. Edward had shared a big part of himself with me, and I knew there was more to his story. Even with just the details he had provided, his attitude toward us made so much more sense, as well as his insistence about the car. We'd have to find some kind of middle ground, though.

When we sat down, it seemed that Edward had already considered that.

"I hope you don't mind, but I used your computer for a little while. I know your objections to the car, but I was thinking that if we could find something that was in a price range you'd be more comfortable with, we could figure something else out. I don't want you to worry about the cost, though."

"I'm not saying yes, but we can look at some of your other ideas and talk about it," I assured him. "It doesn't have to be tonight, though."

"No, it doesn't."

We watched television for a while, until Ruthie was ready for another feeding and to be put in her crib, hopefully to rest until her mid-night feeding. When I had her down, I found Edward waiting for me in the living room with the TV off.

"I'd like to tell you the rest, if you're willing to hear it," he said, patting a spot on the sofa. "I want you to understand . . . well, to understand _me_."

"I want to know," I heard myself saying without even thinking first. And I did. Maybe I didn't understand this attraction after what had happened, but the accident felt like years ago. Like I'd known Edward much longer than I really had.

"Well, like I said earlier, my father knew that I had been involved with Heidi, and he asked me to come to the hospital. I didn't really know what it was about, but he insisted." Edward swallowed hard and choked out his next words. "My dad wanted me provide a blood sample for a DNA test. Heidi had been pregnant."

"Oh my god!" I gasped, slapping a hand over my mouth. "Was the baby . . . ?"

"Yes." He stood and walked to the kitchen, filling a glass with water and drinking it slowly. A minute later, he came back and sat beside me. I grabbed his hand without thinking, and he allowed me to hold it on his thigh. "I'll never know for certain, but I can only assume that was the reason she came to my house. That she had been trying to tell me, and I refused to see her."

"Edward, I have no idea what to say."

"Don't," he replied softly. "You don't need to. I just need a minute. It's been a long time since I've rehashed all this."

I could see that he was tearing up, and I felt absolutely terrible. For the first time, everything seemed to fall into place. The way Edward had reacted about Ruthie and I being in an accident he caused . . . what he had lost without even knowing beforehand . . . .

"From what witnesses said, she had been weaving in and out of lanes and passing anyone she could get past. She took a corner too quickly after passing someone and lost control. She made it to the hospital, but the internal injuries were too great."

"It's awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can't even imagine." My heart ached for him, but I didn't know what else I could do than listen.

"The hardest part is not knowing – whether she was going to tell me, what was going through her mind before the accident, anything." He paused, his head tipping down as he wiped his tears. "I didn't want to be with her, but I would have done anything for my child. It was like I didn't know until then. I had no idea what that realization that you're going to be a parent does to you. How it changes you."

"But it did," I said softly, on the verge of tears myself.

"It did," he agreed, looking at me with a quiet intensity.

We gazed at one another, still holding hands. I wanted to say something else, something comforting and profound, but all words escaped me. It was Edward who spoke.

"You're so lucky to have Ruth. No matter what life brings, you're so lucky. I'm sorry that I nearly took that away."

"Don't, please," I urged, trying to stop him from going down that path even though I knew he needed to say it.

"Bella, I . . . ."

He never continued his thought because, to my shock and surprise, his free hand wrapped around the back of my neck, and he pulled me closer to him, our lips meeting in a kiss I had no idea how desperately I had I wanted.


	9. Chapter 9

_**~Edward~**_

My fingers wove into Bella's hair. God, it was so soft and warm, just like everything else about her. At first, I was soft and tentative. It was instinctive, but when she didn't push me away, I kissed her a little more aggressively. Nothing too pushy or demanding. I just . . . _needed this._ Sensibly, I knew I was in over my head. Doing what I was took things to a level I didn't know if Bella was ready for or even really wanted, but she wasn't stopping me.

I hummed against her lips, thrilling at the silky softness of her tongue. The kiss was shallow, but I realized how much I was taking, though my request went without words.

Then, just as impulsively as I had kissed her, she stopped me, pushing me back with her palms flattened to my chest.

"Edward," she panted. "Stop. Hold on."

"Okay," I assented. Our legs remained touching, and I laid my hands over hers, hoping she wouldn't refuse my affections any further.

I searched her face, waiting for her to speak, as she had been the one to stop us. Her cheeks were flushed a beautiful dark pink, and her hair had a slight ruffle to it from my hand. I couldn't help but wonder if she knew how beautiful she was, especially like that.

"I can't," she said, breaking my spirit in two words. "You're upset right now, Edward. Too emotional. Too many memories brought up. I can't be your replacement for what you lost. I won't be your distraction."

"No!" I protested immediately. "You're not! That's not what this is about."

"You've been crying," she challenged me.

"That doesn't mean I don't . . . that I don't feel something for you." She hadn't taken her hands from mine, so I embraced them further, giving her a firm squeeze. "I think you're amazing."

"You're crazy. We can't do this. It isn't right."

Her eyes didn't meet mine, so I reached for her chin, tugging it up despite her nonverbal protest.

"Why isn't it right?" I asked.

"You're . . . . I'm not right for you, Edward. We both know that. We come from completely different worlds, and as nice as you've been, I just don't fit into yours. Look around." She gestured to her apartment.

I glared at her, not meaning to be harsh, but feeling too incredulous to garner any other reaction.

"That's absurd. My family loved you, and just because you live in an apartment and I have a house doesn't mean shit to me. You love your daughter fiercely, and I have a feeling you're just as passionate about everything else in your life."

She looked at me for a moment and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I think it's time to say goodnight."

"Bella –"

"Please."

I stood, nodding. This wasn't over, but I knew she wouldn't discuss it further that night. Silently, I gathered my things, moving back to her before I left. I stepped close, until we were almost touching. Her posture was stiff and nervous, but I still reached out, grazing her cheek with my knuckle. The way her eyes softened and her breath puffed out a little sigh, I knew there was hope. I just needed to be patient with her.

"We're going to talk about this. Not tonight, but we will. Just remember, you kissed me back."

I left without another word.

.

I wanted desperately for her to call me. I knew she wouldn't, but dear God, I hoped she would. I assumed she needed space and left her be, only checking in on her through Angela.

"You're both being weird," Angela said. "What happened?"

"Nothing." She didn't believe me.

"So help me, I will kick your butt if you did something stupid, Edward."

I assured her everything would be okay, hoping against hope that my words would eventually become the truth. I knew I had scared Bella a little, and kissing her after everything I had admitted probably hadn't been the most perfect timing. I was overcome, though, and in that moment, I hadn't been able to focus on anything other than how much I had come to trust Bella . . . how much I wanted her to understand that fact.

So, I went on with my days, occupying myself with work, family, and house projects.

All while thinking of Bella. Bella and Ruthie, actually.

I waited, biding my time and trying to think of the best way to approach things with her again, and in doing so, it was impossible to get that kiss out of my head.

I was convinced that Bella really had no idea how amazing she was. Women don't have to be super models to be beautiful. She seemed to have that "girl next door" thing down to an art, all softness and long waves of hair, kind eyes, a sweet heart-shaped face, and a smile that echoed a genuine, caring heart. Despite her hardships, she was a great mother. She charmed people without even realizing it – my family being proof positive of that fact. Then, there was the way she kissed me back. I've had good kisses and awful ones in my life, but that was something in its own league entirely. It felt like the most natural, wonderful thing in the world for my lips to be connected to Bella's.

There was no denying the truth when I confessed that I wanted her to know my story and understand me. She was the only person who knew the truth outside my family and Heidi's. I could only hope she understood the significance of that.

Days passed slowly, until I couldn't take it any longer, and I called her. She felt awkward; I could tell.

The first call was just to check in on her and Ruthie, really. The second was a fake attempt to reach Angela when I knew she wasn't really with Bella. The third time, Bella called me.

Finally.

The last thing I ever expected to happen did on that call. Bella told me she understood what a huge step it was for me to entrust her with the truth about Heidi. That she knew it was a dark secret I'd kept and how she had finally put together the pieces and seen why it mattered so much to me that she and Ruthie were safe and well cared for.

She said this in a sensitive yet clinical manner. She didn't reveal any possible feelings for me. Simply understanding and acceptance.

"I just want you to know me," I told her. "To believe that I care about you. Not because of something in my past, but in spite of it."

"I want you to know me, too," she said ever so quietly.

"You do?"

"Yes, Edward." She paused, and I could hear her shallow breathing through the phone. "Not many people do, but you're different. I don't . . . I don't think you'll hurt me or judge me or anything else. Please don't," she added at the end.

"Never," I promised. "Please, tell me."

Then, she did.

Bella told me all about Benji – or Benjamin, rather – whom she had met shortly after college when she was working for the publishing house. He worked for a building company, and when they expanded and opened a new office here, he was offered a transfer. In love and swept off her feet by a man who promised to take care of her, she left her job and took a chance on him. She didn't say it, but from everything she had previously told me about her mother leaving when she was so young and her father passing while she was still a student, the idea of having someone to support and care for her was likely irresistible. I couldn't blame her for that, even if she was incredibly strong-willed now.

"I'd been working for Kate and Garrett for a little over a month after we moved, and they'd both been so wonderful to me. We just clicked, and I knew they appreciated that I worked hard. They even gave me a small raise when they saw how much more I did than many of the other servers. Not to boast or anything, but they were good to me," she explained. I listened quietly, soaking up the details.

"One day, I felt absolutely awful. I thought it might have been something I'd eaten during my break, so I told Kate. The kitchen was scrubbed and all the food was checked, but no other employees or customers had gotten sick. When I became ill at work a second time, Kate pulled me into the office later that day and handed me a bag from the drug store.

"I stared at the pregnancy test for what felt like hours until she snapped me out of it and hauled me into the bathroom. I was scared out of my wits. I wasn't ready to have a baby, so when the three minutes were up, I sent Kate in to look at the results. Obviously, it was positive."

Bella's voice was steady but quiet as she went on with her story to explain that she didn't want to say anything to Benji until she was certain. The transition with his work hadn't gone as smoothly as expected. He was working with a different group of people, and she told me he was stressed and irritable. When I questioned whether he had ever taken his stress out on her, Bella assured me he had not, though they'd had some small arguments.

"After seeing my doctor, she confirmed that the baby was healthy, and I was on track for a normal pregnancy. That was when I knew I had to tell him."

"He didn't react well?" I asked, needing to know, feeling so damn protective of her.

"He didn't really react at all," she admitted. "That was more upsetting to me than anything else. I was so desperate for his support and reassurance that we would be okay and that a baby would be a good thing, but he was just . . . stoic. He wasn't happy. He wasn't mad. He didn't really say anything at all. Just asked if I was sure, then told me he needed some time to process things.

"He went somewhere and wasn't home before I went to bed. I felt him get back in at some point, but he was gone again before I woke. I worked a later shift, and I was a mess the entire day because we hadn't talked at all. All I wanted was for him to say something. Anything."

She was silent for a longer stretch, but I could hear her breathing over the phone line and knew she was still there. I waited, anxious to know the rest, though my entire body was tense and upset for her sake.

"He was gone when I got home from the restaurant," she said, her voice monotone.

"Gone how?" I asked.

"Completely. The larger furniture and my things remained, but all his clothes and personal items, the TV and electronics, and his truck were gone. No note, no phone call, nothing."

I swore, taking the Lord's name in vain, which was a rarity for me.

I couldn't believe anyone who called himself a man could do such a thing, and I was disgusted as Bella went on and told me the rest of the details of Benji's abandonment.

She had called his work, and they were evasive. They said he quit the day prior, and they had no idea where he had gone or what he was planning. She had never met any of his family, who lived halfway across the country, but she had a few of his friend's phone numbers. None of them answered. Worse yet, Benji's number was no longer in service; the bastard had just up and changed it.

Since their apartment had been in his name, Bella went down to the leasing office to inquire about it and see if, as a last ditch effort, they knew anything of Benji's whereabouts. The property manager told her that he'd been in to break the lease and pay the penalty for doing so. According to them, she had less than three weeks before she had to move out of their apartment.

I wanted to find the motherfucker and kill him.

He had left her all alone when she needed him the most. He had made promises he would never keep. He had abandoned her, without a place to live and with no decent job, and he hadn't even warned her.

"That was the last you ever heard from him?" I choked out, ready to punch a hole through my bedroom wall to alleviate some of the rage boiling inside me.

"Yes."

I could not even fathom how something like that was possible. You'd have to have _no_ conscience at all to be able to just up and disappear like that. To leave behind a woman you claimed to love, especially when she was carrying your child. It was disgusting. For as terrible as I felt about my own situation, I would have done the right thing. I couldn't have been with Heidi, but I would have been there for my child. I would have supported her through the pregnancy and made sure they both had what they needed, even though we never could have been a traditional family. This guy, though, he didn't care at all. He was so fucking selfish that he uprooted his life and pretended like none of it was real. It made no sense to me, and it made me angrier than I had ever felt before, especially knowing what a wonderful, amazing person Bella was. How could he have turned his back on her?

"Edward, please stop swearing."

Bella's voice pulled me from the dark place in my mind where I was imagining finding this guy and feeding him his own –

"Please calm down. I know it's awful, but that's all of it."

"I just can't understand how someone could do that," I sputtered.

"Neither can I, but I've had a lot of time to work through it. I've hated dealing with so much of this without him, but we've made it through. I have Ruthie, and she's more important to me than anything else."

She hated dealing with it without him? Did that mean she still wanted him? Was that why she had pushed me away?

There was too much going through my mind, and I knew there would be no delicate segue onto different topics that night. I told Bella how sincerely sorry I was that she'd had to go through such a thing. I meant it. I just needed time to process her story, so we ended our conversation, and I immediately put on some swim trunks. It was late, and the evening air was quite chilly, but I needed something to shock me out of my rage. I dove into my pool and swam laps until my arms and lungs burned. I was grateful that Bella had opened herself up to me, but sleep that night was a welcome retreat from my own mind.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: You're all amazing. So is jessypt for beta awesomenasity & pipelynn for inspiring me.**

**To avoid any confusion, Ben Cheney is Angela's husband. Benji = Benjamin…totally different character. Yes, I know I pulled a Stephenie Meyer by doing that…**

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><p><em><strong>~Bella~<strong>_

"God, Bella, that's awful. I mean, just atrocious and shameful."

I looked at Angela and the genuine, sympathetic expression she wore. Where Edward had clearly been enraged when I told him about Benji, I could see that Angela was sad for me. Since opening up to Edward about things, I felt it would be appropriate to share my story with her as well. She had come to be such a good, trusted friend, and she was an important part of Ruthie's life, too. Not to mention, if Edward ever mentioned something about it to her, I didn't want there to be any awkwardness of one of them knowing and the other not.

Talking about it the second time was actually a little easier. It didn't make the past less painful, but I had come a long way since then, and I loved my daughter more than anything or anyone in the world. If having her meant doing it all on my own, so be it. She was worth it, unquestionably.

"I hate it for you so much, Bella. You are such a sweet person, and you never deserved something like that, but from what you've said, I think both you and Ruthie are better off," she said, reaching over and rubbing my forearm lightly. "If he could just up and go like that without even looking back, I can't imagine what he would have been like if he stayed."

"I know that," I told her. "I accepted that a long time ago, but it's still hard at times. I know what it was like growing up with only one parent, and it hurts me for Ruthie's sake that she won't get to have both her parents."

"That's not necessarily true. You're young, and you have so much time to meet someone," she protested.

"I know, but I'm not counting on anyone else to 'fix me' or anything like that."

"Well, love comes from all sorts of unexpected places," she said, but her words seemed to imply more. "You know, Ben used to deliver take-out for my favorite Thai place in college. He didn't even go to the same school, but he was always my delivery guy, and he had the cutest shy smile. One day, I found more than Pad Thai in my bag." She was smiling widely at the memory.

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "What was that?"

"There was a pink rose with a note attached to it. I called him, and I knew on our first date that I wanted to marry him."

"That's so incredibly sweet." I smiled for her. I didn't really know Ben that well, but he seemed like a nice guy. Knowing he made Angela so happy made me happy as well.

Our attention was diverted when Ruthie cried out happily from her play mat on the floor. We both dropped down to join her for tummy time, talking and cooing to her as she played and drooled.

I had told Angela that I'd shared my past with Edward, but I hadn't given any indication why or what had led up to it. That kiss had been on my mind, though, and I had no idea what to do about it. It had been incredible. Even though a part of me truly believed Edward was seeking some form of comfort after rehashing his tragedy, it was impossible to deny the spark I'd felt with him. He was incredible, really. He was gorgeous, successful, kind, generous, and part of a wonderful family. What did I possibly have to offer him? I didn't think my heart could bear it if I was just some temporary distraction for him.

The secret was eating away at me, and I needed someone else to help me sort it out. That's why I looked up at Angela suddenly and spilled.

"Edward kissed me," I said in a hushed tone, as though whispering would ease my confusion in some way.

Angela sprang up and looked at me with wide eyes. "What? When?" she demanded excitedly.

"The last time he was here."

"_And? _How did it happen? How was it?" she pressed, practically bouncing.

"It was . . . incredible, but I don't think . . ." I trailed off, trying to explain it. "We had been talking, and he was telling me something that hashed up bad memories. He was upset. I don't think he really meant it, you know? It was just comfort."

"Bella," she said seriously. "I don't know about that. Did anything else happen?"

"No. It was only for a minute."

"And who stopped?"

"Me."

"But you liked it?"

"Yes." I sighed, closing my eyes and regretting that I had brought it up at all.

"Have you guys talked about it?" she asked gently. I admitted we hadn't. "You should, or at least try it again."

I protested, but she tried to reason with me.

"Listen," she finally said, "I think there's something between the two of you. I can hear it in his voice when he asks me about you and Ruthie, and when we were all at the Cullens' it was like he his attention completely revolved around you and the baby. If a stranger had walked in on that gathering, I'm certain they would have thought you were a couple."

I thought about the car salesman and his assumption. That was different, though, wasn't it? A man and a woman with a baby shopping for a new car would make anyone assume they were a married couple.

"I don't know," was all I could think to say.

"What really matters is whether you have feelings for him. Do you?"

I bit my lip and looked her in the eyes. "I'm not really sure. Maybe? Yes? I really can't make heads or tails of what I feel anymore. He's undeniably attractive, and he's so sweet with Ruthie. But it's also been a really long time since anyone has even tried to get close to me that way. I'm out of practice with anything in the romance department, and I don't want to get caught up in something just because I'm desperate to be cared for or wanted."

Angela propped the baby back onto her Boppy pillow and scooted closer to me, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"You're afraid. I can see that, and I totally get it. You've been through so, so much in the past year, so I don't blame you for being cautious, but Bella, Edward is a really good man. I don't think he would ever try to lead you on, and I believe he's sensible enough that he wouldn't pursue a woman in your position if he didn't mean it. He's not cruel, and he already knows what your life is like. After all this, I genuinely believe he wants to be a part of your life. And Ruthie's," she added, rubbing my daughter's back.

There really wasn't anything else I could say. I had a lot of thinking to do.

"Just talk to him. Let him tell you what it meant and what he wants. Figure out what _you_ want."

.

I called Edward the next day and asked if he would be available to join me and Ruthie for a trip to the park. He agreed immediately and said he could meet us that afternoon. I packed our things for the outing and waited anxiously for him to arrive. I had no idea how I was supposed to act when I saw him, so I just tried to keep calm.

Unfortunately, Ruthie was screaming her little lungs out when I heard the knock on my door. I had just fed and changed her, she burped good and loud for me, and her tummy didn't feel tight from constipation. I sang and rocked her, but she remained miserable. It made me feel anxious and helpless, and I feared that our trip to the park would be a wash.

I let Edward in, apologizing for her fussiness, but he only wore a look of concern, reaching out for my daughter.

"Let's see what I can do here," he said, pulling her against his chest. "What's the matter, Little Miss? What's got you so upset? Oh really? Well, you're right about that. Mmmhmm, oh, I see." He continued to talk nonsense to her, muttering in her ear softly while he let her nestle against him.

Then, she stopped. Her wails tapered off quickly to soft whimpers, and then she was quiet. Edward continued soothing her, and she was soon smiling and watching him intently.

I stood by, dumbfounded.

She knew him now. She recognized his voice and probably his touch and smell as well, and she responded to him. I didn't say anything, but I was overwhelmed with an odd combination of warmth and anxiety.

"Okay, I think we're all set now," he said, smiling brilliantly. "Ready?"

"Yeah," I said, snapping myself back to reality.

At the park, we loaded Ruthie into her stroller and walked along a sunny path. Edward was the first to bring up anything serious.

He asked me very carefully about Benji. I knew what I'd told Edward still upset him, but he was holding it in well. I was really quite surprised that my story had gotten to him the way it did.

"Do you miss him?" he asked, looking down at me as we strolled.

"No," I said honestly. "At first, it was shock and disbelief that he had actually left, but I had to accept pretty quickly that he wasn't coming back. His name isn't on the birth certificate, and it never will be."

"Even if he came back? If he wanted you back, or if he wanted to be a part of Ruthie's life, would _you_ want that?"

"I couldn't," I said fervently. "I'd rather be alone. I wouldn't be able to trust him, not with me or Ruthie."

A tiny smile cracked on Edward's face but was wiped away just as quickly.

"What?" I asked immediately.

"Nothing. I'm just glad that you wouldn't let him hurt you again. And I wouldn't want to have to kill him."

I thought the latter statement was a joke, but the look on Edward's face told me he was serious.

We stopped walking and found a nice place to sit, pulling out a blanket and letting Ruthie wiggle around a bit. Once more, she was so responsive to Edward, and I couldn't help but smile at their interactions. It made my stomach twist and my heart thump wildly. He was just so good with her.

I yawned unexpectedly, and Edward asked if I wanted to lie down for a while.

"No, I'll be fine."

He laughed at me when I yawned again.

"Come on. She's fine, and you can at least close your eyes for a few minutes." He scooted and straightened his legs, patting his lap. "Put your head down."

I tried to protest again, but he insisted. I couldn't say I was terribly upset to be so close to him, even when I felt completely nervous and unsure. I had been relaxing for several minutes, listening to Ruthie coo at Edward, when I felt his fingers in my hair. First, he toyed with the strands, smoothing them out across his thigh, and then, his fingertips were rubbing against my scalp. It lulled me to sleep, and when I roused from my nap, I found my hand resting on Edward's leg with our fingers woven together. I immediately felt embarrassed, unable to remember how that had happened, but when Edward noticed me awake and looking up at him, he just smiled and squeezed my hand lightly.

"That was short," he said.

"How long was I out? I feel like I've been sleeping for hours."

"Less than twenty minutes."

Nearby, Ruthie had also dozed off between Edward's legs. He had somehow managed to retrieve her blanket and lay it over her. She looked sweet and peaceful, the way she always did at rest.

Sitting up slowly, my hand unwrapped from Edward's. I turned, my legs in the opposite direction of his so we were face to face. He didn't say anything, instead watching me and seemingly waiting for me to offer something up. When I didn't, he put his hand over mine again.

"My mom asked me to invite you over for dinner."

"Did you tell her something?" I asked reflexively, instantly regretting how it sounded.

Edward's brow furrowed, and he drew his hand back, off mine.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"No, I'm sorry if I've made you feel uncomfortable at all. My mother just likes you, and she's completely smitten with this little girl," he said, lightly stroking Ruthie's fuzzy hair. "Is there something for me to tell my family?"

My gaze was fixed on the blanket when I felt Edward move closer to me. His temple rested against mine, and after a moment, his hand tucked under my hair, wrapping around my neck.

"You said my name while you were sleeping."

I felt my face flush but didn't move. My entire body felt tingly and excited with him touching me in such an innocent yet simultaneously intimate way. He wasn't asking me outright what was going on between us or what I wanted, rather calling me out that in some way, I _was_ thinking of him.

"I barely understand how I'm feeling," I finally said. "I have no idea what any of this means to you. I don't know what to do here."

I felt completely open and exposed, but at least I had put myself out there. I couldn't turn back, but neither could he. Edward would be forced to give me some kind of answer, and at least then I would know. There was a part of me, no matter how hard I tried, that was frightened of what all this would mean. There was a bigger part that feared being hurt again, or worse yet, Ruthie being hurt.

"We can figure it out together, can't we?" Edward breathed in my ear, his slightly stubbled cheek brushing against mine. "All I know for certain is that it's been so long since I've even wanted to try, but you and Ruthie . . . you're special to me. Important. I . . . I can't _not_ try. If you'll have me.

"I would never do to you what that asshole did. I can be whatever you need me to be, but I wouldn't intentionally hurt you."

I still didn't understand how someone like Edward could want to be with someone like me who came from a completely different lifestyle and background, but I wanted to believe his words. He had never treated me like I was anything less than him. He had been far kinder than was necessary, and I was falling so hard and so quickly for him.

"You know that, right?" he asked.

I nodded, skin brushing against skin, and his face turned while his hand guided my head until our lips were against one another. I scooted myself into a more comfortable position and let him part my lips while his fingernails scraped against my scalp. It was even better than the first time, I supposed because I was prepared for it. I wanted it. God, I wanted it so much. His tongue was soft and seemed to move as though I were giving him some silent direction of what I liked and needed. My head was swimming, as if I were drunk; I supposed that was what he did to me.

I knew that kiss wouldn't be enough. I could never get enough of Edward Cullen.

My heart was completely exposed and completely in his hands, but I was taking the leap of faith. I prayed it would be worthwhile.

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><p><strong>EN: COOL STUFF ALERT! I'm hosting/judging 2 contests that I would love for you to write for and/or read the entries!**

**Share the Love is all about poly relationships! We want one-time flings and long term, loving relationships. Who would you put together? Entries accepted 8/29-10/16**

**Beyond the Pale 2 hits a completely different extreme. Using picture prompts, we looking for taboo & edgy fics that leave you haunted but not violated. Entries accepted 10/16-11/27**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I truly never intended to go more than 2 weeks between updates, but this chapter was the bane of my existence for a while. It simply wouldn't come out right, and I thank jessypt a million times for dealing with multiple versions of it for me. Lucky for you, the next chapter is already written, so to make up for my absence, I'll post it within a few days :)**

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><p><em><strong>~Bella~<strong>_

_Over-qualified for this job. Not the right experience for that one._ Job hunting had continued to be an utter failure, so while I persisted with my search, I had been talking to Kate about coming back to the restaurant. The present issue was first to find a used car I could afford with the money from Edward's insurance company. Then, I would have to coordinate child care. Kate offered to help with Ruthie occasionally, as did Angela, but there was still so much left to coordinate.

I paused from my one-handed Internet browsing and unlatched my snoozing baby girl from my breast. She had fallen asleep, presumably having filled her little belly, and I was hoping it meant she would allow me to move her to the crib.

Settling onto the couch, I had just pulled my laptop onto my lap when my phone rang.

"_Hey."_

I smiled instantly, despite my niggling stress. Edward always seemed to know when to call.

"How did things go today?" I asked, and our small talk began.

Fall was moving by in a blur, and Edward was busy with work. He traveled a lot more, but absence most certainly made our hearts grow fonder. He would call me at night when he was away, telling me about people he had met or things he had seen. In return, I would text him photos of Ruthie, who was growing so quickly I could hardly believe it. Our relationship had been a slow progression so far. I was still tired all the time, but my need for Angela's assistance tapered. She continued to come by to spend time with me or bring the boys around to play, but it was as my friend. She was always pressing me for details, in a sweet sort of way, but I didn't really have anything new to tell her about Edward and me.

The time Edward and I had together always seemed to revolve around Ruthie. She could easily draw our attention to her and her alone, but I treasured each moment. Edward simply adored her, and I laughed when he bought her a little Chicago Bears onesie. I had never been much of a sports fan myself, but I didn't mind him dressing her to match the jersey he wore each Sunday during football season.

After he had filled me in on his day and I'd recapped Ruthie's cute moments of the day, he asked the question I didn't want to answer.

"_Any luck with the job search?"_

"None," I answered with a disheartened sigh. "I talked to Kate, and she said I can start back whenever I want."

"_I wish I could help you with it," _he said sincerely. _"I really don't like the idea of you going back to something like that."_

"It's not like it's a sketchy biker bar or something!" I protested, slightly offended.

"_That's not what I meant," _he responded calmly. _"I just mean it's not something that will be fulfilling your potential, you know? I definitely support small businesses and owners, and I think Kate and Garrett are great, but _you _deserve to be more than a waitress."_

I sighed, understanding his concerns. That didn't change my circumstances, though, and some paycheck would be better than none.

"Thank you. I appreciate your concerns, but it's something I need to do. My savings is going to run out pretty quickly if I don't. I'll get it figured out soon."

"_I'm sorry if I come across as pushy. I know there's a lot on your plate, and if I can do anything at all to make it easier on you, I want to. Anything, Bella."_

"I know; I appreciate that very much. Ruthie and I are both very lucky to have you in our lives."

I could practically hear the smile in his voice when he spoke again.

"_I'm the lucky one. You two make my life so much brighter than you could ever understand. And while we're talking about serious matters, I think we should work on finalizing things with a car when I get home. We don't want to waste time on that, and I'll feel much better once it's handled."_

It seemed that my attempts to avoid the car subject with Edward were futile. I had wavered on that situation so much over the passing weeks. I understood his desire to assist with such a substantial purchase, but I didn't want to be indebted to him. It was really an endless cycle of thought, but in the end, I lost that battle. Well, perhaps not lost, but I had to compromise far more than I'd intended or expected.

I didn't get a Volvo or any other sparkly new car. It was used, but with low mileage due to an elderly previous owner. The safety ratings didn't match what Edward had originally proposed, but it had side impact airbags, good gas mileage, and a roomy backseat for Ruthie. I wouldn't say Edward and I met in the middle because it was still a lot more money than I would have been able to handle on my own, but I'd accepted his generosity with humility and kept my mouth shut. I agreed to allow Edward to make a hefty down payment and cover the first six months. The money I'd received from the settlement went into a high yield savings account to accrue interest until it came time for me to take over the loan.

I was grateful beyond measure, but sometimes the thought of what I had allowed made me want to vomit. I really wasn't used to anyone taking care of me like that, but my entire world had been turned upside down when Edward literally came crashing into my life.

Returning to work was a slow progression. I started with short shifts a few days a week after getting the car because it was difficult to be away from Ruthie for too long. Of course, Kate always found excuses for me to help her with some office work or inventory rather than running the floor in the restaurant, but I tried to pretend like I didn't notice her intentions.

The restaurant didn't open until lunchtime, so one morning I had gone in to help Kate with some office work and scheduling. I didn't have a regular shift that day, so I'd brought Ruthie with me, play mat and toys in tow. After she was settled on the floor, Kate and I set to work, reviewing time off requests and employee availability to accommodate the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.

"So . . ." she began in a sing-song sort of voice. I knew what that meant: Kate was in a gossipy, girl talk mood.

"So what?" I replied, playing dumb.

"How's Edward?"

"Edward is fine. Great, actually. He's quite busy in the fall."

"Bella, I don't really care about his work life," she said, giving me a pointed look. "Dish."

I felt my cheeks grow warm instantly. There was not going to be any way to deflect this conversation. We were alone with plenty of time on our hands, and I knew from experience that Kate wouldn't give up until she got the details she wanted.

"Things are nice. He's sweet and unbelievably generous, which you already know. Ruthie absolutely adores him; I really can't believe how much she's taken to him. Anything you've ever heard about men being good with babies being a turn on is true," I added with a coy smile.

"Uh huh," she said, nodding. "And what about you? I don't think the adoration stops with this baby girl here."

"I like him a lot."

"Oh my gosh, Bella! Have you guys slept together yet or not?"

I laughed a little. I knew that was what she'd been after, but seeing her get so frustrated that I didn't go straight for the salacious details was amusing.

"Not so much," I admitted, shaking my head and looking down at the paperwork before me.

"Why? Is something wrong? You guys have been seeing each other for a while now."

I shook my head. "I don't know. It's a lot of things. When we have time alone together, he's very affectionate. He'll always have a hand on my back or my leg, and sometimes he does sweet stuff like just stop and kiss me, then goes back to whatever he was doing before. Things just haven't really gone past the high school make out sessions. What worries me is that we haven't really talked about where we stand. He's said he wants to be with me, but we've never really put a name or label on what we are, and he hasn't pushed for anything more."

"It sounds like he's serious about you, but if you're so worried about defining your relationship, you're going to have to talk to him about it. You know that, right?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do," I said. "It's just . . . complicated."

"It doesn't have to be."

"I don't know . . ."

"Oh, honey," she said, moving from her desk to come hug me. "I'm not Edward, so I can't speak for him, but it sounds to me like he's probably trying to respect your boundaries. Do you want things to go further?"

"Of course I do. He's so gorgeous I can hardly stand to look at him half the time, and sometimes I just want to grab him and tear his clothes off . . .but it's been a really long time, Kate."

I bit my lip and shook my head as Kate moved back to the desk, pushing her work aside and watching me intently.

"Go on," she encouraged.

"I don't feel . . . sexy anymore. It's like I'm not a woman anymore; I'm just a mom. That's what my body is. And on top of all that, as much as I want to be that way with him, it's kind of scary. I don't want to get hurt." My final thought was quiet and slow, my eyes downcast, peering toward Ruthie.

"I don't think he'd hurt you, honey. Not intentionally," Kate said soothingly. "And don't overthink it all. If you care for him and want to be with him, he probably feels exactly the same. You don't have to be perfect for him; you just have to be the woman he cares about."

Logically, I knew she was right, but I had such mixed emotions about getting physical with Edward. I wanted it – desperately – but I had so many doubts. Kate had given me a lot to think about, though. I wouldn't know what Edward wanted or thought without addressing those things with him. Of course, that was easier said than done, and I wasn't sure how to start that conversation.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: It's very unlikely you'll ever see back-to-back updates again, but I love you all. Your reviews make my heart super happy! Special thanks to jessypt, my sweet cuppy-cake. **

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><p><em><strong>~Bella~<strong>_

I spent nearly two weeks ruminating over my conversation with Kate. Talking to Edward about "us" probably would have been the better choice, but I chickened out every time. Then, one night when he was at my apartment, I chose a different approach to finding out exactly how he felt about me and where he wanted things to go.

After putting Ruthie to bed – at least for a few hours since she was still waking up once during the night – I joined Edward on the couch, turning off the lights and putting a movie on for us. He wrapped his arm around me, and I snuggled close to him. I felt safe and secure, as I always did that way, but I had more planned than a little cuddle. Trying to play innocent at first, my fingers ran over his stomach, slowly working lower toward the waistband of his jeans. I repositioned my hand to his thigh then, carrying on with the same action until he finally groaned my name. I looked up at him, leaning in when he moved to kiss me.

I immediately lay myself back, pulling him down with me as his hard body pressed against mine, and his tongue explored my mouth. Sliding my hands under his shirt, I smoothed them over his back, relishing the warm expanse of skin. He shifted, and I repositioned my legs, parting them for him to nestle comfortably between my thighs. My head tipped back, and while he lavished my neck with more attention than he ever had before, I experimentally pushed my pelvis up against him.

"Oh god," he murmured against my skin, pushing his obvious erection back at me. I moaned in kind.

Gripping the back of his shirt, I took another chance and began tugging it up until he sat up enough to let me take it off. Just like the first time I had been at his house, my eyes explored his skin and each defined muscle on his upper body. He looked into my eyes for a moment, hovering over me, and pressed his lips against mine slowly and sweetly. His fingers were in my hair, and I smiled against him.

Everything was going well until Edward started to unbutton my shirt. At first, I was so excited that my mind was blank to anything other than his hands or mouth. Then, he reached the lower buttons, and I began to have second thoughts about him seeing the little pudge of my belly and the stretch marks just below my navel. I tensed up and grabbed his hand, trying to redirect his actions.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a look of concern on his face.

"I just . . . . My stomach," I finally admitted.

"What about it?" He was genuinely confused.

"I still have baby fat," I mumbled in embarrassment. Did he not see the difference between his utter perfection and all my flaws?

Edward's hand returned to the buttons, unfastening them with ease and parting the sides of my shirt unwaveringly. His fingers stroked down my stomach, looping around my belly button and back up again.

"I like you exactly as you are, and I think you're beautiful just like this. If your body is a little different than it was before Ruthie, I don't know either way, and I don't care. Any changes because of her make you better, as far as I'm concerned."

"God, I'm going to cry now," I said, choked up from his sweet words. He had called me beautiful and reassured me. If he kept it up, I might actually start to believe him, fear of rejection be damned.

"No tears." He pulled me up, pushing my shirt off my shoulders and leaving me in my bra. As I lay back down, we continued kissing, and his fingers crept over my skin, carefully inching toward my breasts. He gently cupped one, and my entire body reacted. It had been so, so long. I hardly noticed that Edward's deft fingers had released the front clasp of my bra until I felt his hand against my bare, sensitive skin. My mind reeled at how warm and soft he was and how every single nerve in my body seemed to be responding to his touch. Everything was going amazingly well until I felt something warm and wet dripping down the side of my breast. My eyes shot open, and I squirmed beneath him.

Breast milk.

I was leaking breast milk all over Edward's hand.

To say that I freaked out would be putting it mildly. Mortified, my hand flailed over the side of the couch until I found my shirt on the floor. I practically knocked Edward off me in my scramble to cover myself and stop my breast from dripping, cursing under my breath all the while.

Thankfully, Edward moved to the end of the couch so I could get up, and I glanced at him, horrified, as he nonchalantly wiped his hand on his jeans.

"Bella. Babe, please relax."

"I'm sorry," I sputtered in response. Holding my shirt over my chest, I darted for my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I grabbed the first clean bra and shirt I could find, slipping nursing pads in just in case they continued leaking, and sat on the bed to try and calm myself. That was so awful. It figured that the first time things ever really got heated with Edward, something so awkward and uncomfortable would happen. He had to have been grossed out.

"Bella? Can I come in?" he said through the closed door. Taking a deep breath, I stood and let myself out of the room.

"Let's go back to the living room."

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to do that. I shouldn't have been so firm."

I couldn't believe he was trying to take responsibility for my whacked out body.

"Edward, it's not your fault. My body, well, it isn't really my body anymore. I'm sure that was completely disgusting for you. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," he said, pulling me into his arms. "I don't think either of us really considered that a possibility, and in the moment, I was a bit distracted. You too?" His voice was soft and reassuring, his embrace an enormous comfort.

"Me too," I admitted.

"Will you relax then?"

"It's embarrassing."

"Hey," he said, positioning us on to couch so I was looking at him again. "Tell me why it's embarrassing. Tell me why my girlfriend ran away from me when something completely natural and understandable happened with her body."

"Girlfriend?" I said timidly.

He looked at me in disbelief for a few moments before he burst out laughing.

"Why are you laughing at me?"

"Just tell me what you're thinking right now," he said with a grin.

"You've never said that before."

"Said what? Girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"Of course that's what you are."

"Oh, okay. Good."

"Bella, what do you think we've been doing?"

I was quiet for a minute before he nudged me.

"This is real to me, you know?" he told me, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. "It's why we talk and spend time together. I want you to understand that – really understand it – so I don't have to keep telling you. I don't mind reminding you how I feel, but I need you to believe me, Bella. I want to be with you, and that includes Ruthie, your past and my past, pregnancy weight and breasts that feed your daughter leaking sometimes. It means that we can go as fast or slow as you want because I'm not going anywhere."

Nodding, I flung myself against him, allowing him to hold me tightly and soothe away my anxiety.

"I feel like a crazy person," I sobbed, not realizing how worked up I was until I spoke. "There were times when I was pregnant that I knew I was acting like a nutcase. Even after I had Ruthie, I would think back on things I had said or done or felt, and I _knew_ it was the hormones. I mean, could the hormones still be affecting me?"

"It's okay. It's different for every woman. I don't know how long the hormones linger, but motherhood changes a person. And you can talk to your doctor about it. You've been since you had her, right?"

"Yeah, my checkup six weeks after."

"Okay, so you make another appointment to go talk about it. There's nothing wrong with that."

I looked into his eyes and leaned into him for a brief kiss. He was so sweet and insightful. I still didn't understand everything he saw in me, but I was so glad I had him now.

"I don't want to screw this up," I admitted.

"You won't," he assured me. "We're in this together, so that means we both deal with whatever comes our way."

"I used to love my boobs," I said as we curled up on the couch and restarted the movie we never got to. "Now, I can't even think of them as something that makes me look or feel good. They're just Ruthie's dinner."

"It'll get better," he assured me. "Plus, I think they're amazing, even if you don't right now."

His words were reassuring, but I suddenly felt exhausted, physically and emotionally.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to go to bed."

"Okay. I understand," he said, sitting up.

I grabbed his hand, squeezing lightly to stop him. "Will you stay here?"

"Of course," he answered, kissing my temple. "If that's what you want. Come on."

"Will you take your shirt off again?" I asked with a dopey grin.

"I will if you will."

I laughed in spite of myself but settled on a thin tank top with my bra still on under it. He drew me close to him in bed, facing one another, and he pulled upon my shirt so we could still feel our skin pressed together without exposing me. With our legs tangled, his hand lay against the small of my back, protective and comforting. The butterflies in my belly fluttered happily until I fell asleep, peaceful and reassured with the confirmation of our status and Edward's feelings. As always, I wondered what I had done to deserve such a sweet, kind man. I knew I would do anything to keep him.

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><p><strong>EN: They're gonna do it - just not quite yet =)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: You're all lovely & I truly hope your holiday season, however you celebrate it, is going smoothly. My love goes to jessypt for putting the awesome in awesomesauce. Now, onward to Edward being ridiculously sweet and yummy...**

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><p><em><strong>~Edward~<strong>_

"Has there been any progress on the job hunt, Bella?"

I watched Bella fidget uncomfortably at my father's question. It was completely innocent and out of honest curiosity, but I could see by the look on her face she took it as a blow. It had been bothering her more and more the longer her search continued. She wouldn't admit it to me, but anything involving money caused a crease of stress across her forehead. I was more than willing to help her in any way she needed, but the car had been a nearly impossible feat. After her initial objections, I was actually quite shocked when Bella came to me about meeting in the middle on that. For the time being, I kept my other gestures small.

"Unfortunately not," she answered quietly, and I frowned. "It seems like either my degree over-qualifies me, or my limited experience under-qualifies me for anything I've found."

"Have you considered going back to school?" Dad suggested.

"I would love to," Bella said, her voice a little detached, "but I'm not really in the position to do that right now. I'd love to be able to teach at the college level someday, but I think I need a little more time to work and save some money before that can happen."

"Well, being with Ruthie as much as you can is always the best thing, no matter what. Esme always loved being home with the children."

"I don't know if I _always_ loved it," my mom said as she breezed into the room, holding Ruthie in one arm and carrying a tray of appetizers in her other hand. "There were certainly moments I was tempted to drop Edward off at the nearest daycare," she teased.

"Thanks, Mom."

"Oh, I'm kidding, darling. You know I love you, and I would never trade that time with you and Rosalie. It goes by far too quickly."

My mom passed Ruthie to my father who smiled and spoke quietly to her. It was nearly impossible to _not_ want to lavish a sweet baby with attention, but I could tell my parents were just as fond of her as I had become. I watched Bella watching my parents and their interactions with her daughter. She always seemed to worry that the baby inconvenienced other people, but that was the farthest thing from the truth.

Our conversation drifted to other topics for a while, and when it was time for Bella to feed Ruthie, she excused herself, and my father went to help my mother set the table for dinner. When it came time for our meal, my parents surprised us both.

"Bella," my father began, "has Edward ever told you about the non-profit my parents founded?"

"No," she said, glancing at me momentarily. "He hasn't."

"My father and grandfather were businessmen, but my mother was a teacher for most of her life. She became extremely passionate about literacy when she volunteered for an adult reading program at the local library. We're all aware that illiteracy exists, most commonly in impoverished communities, but she used to tell me she never realized how serious it was until she became involved in that outreach.

"It broke her heart. She wanted to stop the cycle, and she knew it would have to start with the children. She used her resources as a teacher to collect books and donate them to underprivileged families."

"She sounds like an amazing woman," Bella noted, smiling softly and listening intently all the while.

"She was," my mother agreed.

Dad continued. "When her efforts grew, she and my father began developing _The Cullen Foundation_, starting with his family's personal resources. With no small amount of work, she developed the literacy program at the library into a family effort. Adults were encouraged to bring their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or even neighbors with them. They began mentoring each other, so as the children developed their reading skills, the adults did as well. Sometimes, the adults were able to teach or assist the children, and other times, it was the children who taught the adults. It was empowering for everyone, and the experience was found to be vastly encouraging because families worked together in ways you don't normally see within that demographic."

"Wow," Bella breathed, and I reached under the table to place my hand on her knee.

"There are employees now who handle most of the organization, but Esme and I oversee things and keep it running. The literacy program has grown and expanded over the years, and we also do a lot of fundraising for books and resources that we supply to libraries, schools, literacy centers, churches, and community centers. It's nothing enormous, but it makes a difference."

"We all volunteer as well," my mom added.

"You too?"

I smiled at Bella and nodded. "Not as often as I used to, but yes. When I can't give my time, I make my own donations and support other fundraising efforts."

"The reason I bring it up, Bella, is that we've been preparing to open up a few new positions and do an internal reorganization of our staff. Esme and I were discussing things, and we wanted to see if you might be interested in learning more? We've found over the years that character and work ethic are more important for these roles than extensive experience. That comes with time. We have the people in place for networking and organizing fundraisers, but on the ground level, we need more individuals committed to coordinating with local organizations who want to be involved."

"You're offering me a job?" Bella asked in disbelief. I could see the doubtful expression on her face. She could be so cynical at times, and though this proposition was coming as a surprise to me as well, I knew my father was being genuine.

"Not quite yet. While I feel you would be an excellent addition to the foundation from what I've come to know about you, I'd prefer for you to learn more about it first and spend a little time with the other employees and volunteers. If you think it's something you would be interested in, we can negotiate where you would best fit in."

"You're serious?" Bella replied, still obviously stunned.

"Of course," Mom chimed in. "This project is very dear to all our hearts. We wouldn't bring this up if we didn't trust you completely."

Bella was silent for a minute, looking back and forth between my parents, her food, and Ruthie, who had dozed off on her play mat nearby. "I don't really know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything yet," Dad explained. "If you're interested, we'll set up a time to take you into the office, then to one of the sites. It would be full-time, of course, so that's another consideration for you."

Her face fell, and her eyes locked on her slumbering child again.

"I could help with Ruthie," I said, trying to sound reassuring.

"Actually," my mom interrupted, "we discussed that a little, too. Bella, you know I'm not working much these days, and quite frankly I prefer it that way because I can take care of my home and spend more time with Jasper. I'd love to help you with Ruthie, and that offer stands whether this is something that works out for you or if you find a job elsewhere."

"It's a lot to think about," Bella answered. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested and flattered, though."

"Of course," Dad said simply.

The rest of our meal was spent discussing experiences we'd each had with the foundation. We told Bella that Rosalie had spent her first year out of college working in the office until she and Emmett were married. I imagined Bella would be able to get some perspective on it all if she talked to my sister, and Bella agreed.

Dinner had been early, so when I drove Bella back to her apartment that evening, it was still somewhat early.

"Did you put your parents up to that?" she asked.

"No, I had absolutely no idea, though I do think it's a brilliant idea."

Our conversation continued as we got the baby bathed and settled.

"I just…I don't want your family to feel obligated to me," she said with a sigh. "I know everyone wants to help, but I'm an adult. If I'd never met any of you, I would have had to figure things out on my own."

"Bella," I said quietly, stopping her. I carefully took Ruthie from her arms and placed her in the swing, tucking a blanket around her. When I turned back toward Bella, she was still standing there watching me. I took her hands first, squeezing them, and I brought my palm to her cheek, holding her face gently. Moving closer together, I tried to communicate everything I was thinking in my gaze.

"We know that, baby." She shivered lightly, and my other arm went around her waist. "You are an amazing woman and mother, and the fact that you're so concerned about it all is a testament to that. No one thinks you're freeloading or manipulating any of us for personal gain. I want to help you because you and Ruthie are important to me. You're important to my parents as well, and the fact that they would make that kind of offer to you shows that they respect and trust you."

Leaning down, I pressed my lips to her soft, pink mouth. She let me breathe against her, submitting to kiss and what it meant. I just wanted her to understand. After a moment, she pulled back and looked at me without speaking.

"It's hard for me to accept the help," she admitted, wrapping her arms around me tightly.

"I understand, but it doesn't have to be so difficult for you all the time. Not when we're here."

"I'm sorry that I keep doing this," she said as she buried her face in my shirt. "I have faith in us – I really do – but there's so much I'm working through that doesn't have to do with you or your family."

My hands ran up and down her back soothingly. "I don't expect you to rush yourself through dealing with anything you feel as long as you let me be there for you in whatever capacity you need. I didn't work as hard as I have just to have money sit in a bank account. I'm comfortable, and if I want to spend the money I've earned on you and your daughter, I think that should be okay. And if I want to spend my time with you, I'll do that too because the flexibility of my schedule is a part of that as well."

She backed away, pulling me toward the sofa and pushing me down. Once I was seated, she settled into my lap sideways and curled up against my chest. I held her close, inhaling the now familiar, comforting scent of her shampoo and lotion. I loved being with her, especially like this in the quiet moments. She had no idea the change she had made in my life.

"You're just so good," she said.

"Anything I am is what you've brought out in me," I answered. "You make me want to be the best man I possibly can be. I want things for my life I never seriously considered before you."

Bella sat up, looking at me and smiling before her mouth descended on mine. This kiss was different from the reassuring one earlier. She led, pushing against me and maneuvering herself until she was straddling my lap and pressing her softly curved body to mine.

"God, you're sexy like this," I said, smiling against her lips as she slowly rocked her body against mine. She giggled, and it was the sweetest thing I'd heard from her all day.

We kissed and touched, and I was careful with my actions. I didn't want to scare her or halt things like the last time, but there was so much more I wanted with her. Bella filled my heart in a way I couldn't remember ever having felt before, which made me want her close to me all the time. Not to mention that she was so beautiful I had to force myself to stop staring at times. She really had no idea how appealing she was to me. Letting my desire for her lead, my fingers skimmed over her clothed breasts, but I didn't squeeze or use too much pressure. Her little gasps in response were all the confirmation I needed to know it was okay to continue like that.

My hands continued to explore and test as we kissed and slid our lips along each other's jaw and neck. One part of my brain couldn't stop thinking about how good it would be to have her completely and watch her entire body react and writhe for me, but I managed to keep myself under control. That didn't stop me from testing other boundaries, though. When I slid one of my hands over her hip, across her thigh, and between her legs, she bit down on my bottom lip, making a cute little squeaking sound. Taking that as permission, I slowly undid the button of her jeans and worked my way beneath her clothes. Her eyes locked on mine intensely as my fingertips touched bare, silky skin, already wet for me.

"Oh god," she breathed, dropping her head to my shoulder. "Edward…"

I didn't rush because I knew it had been a long time since she had been touched like this, and for her, it was beyond physical. I understood that her heart was in my hands just as much as her body was, and I refused to take that responsibility lightly. Making her feel good was all I wanted tonight. I needed it just as much as she did.

"Look at me sweetheart," I told her as my fingers dipped inside, giving her what her body so clearly desired. She slowly lifted her head, hair disheveled and eyes so expressive. "You okay?"

She nodded at me, her head falling back enough for me to kiss down her neck and back up to the soft spot behind her ear. Her hips pushed against my hand, showing me what felt good, and I kept on, pressing the heel of my hand against her clit until she cried out. Our lips locked, and she gave me a deep, meaningful kiss.

"Wow," she panted, sinking down into my lap after I removed my hand. I smiled and leaned deeper into the couch cushions when her hands moved to my belt buckle, but her actions were halted by a soft murmur from Ruthie.

"Stay asleep, stay asleep, stay asleep," Bella whispered, her fingers still tucked beneath the leather. We both waited anxiously to see if the baby would calm herself back to sleep, but unfortunately, we weren't so lucky.

I groaned as Bella rose from my lap, fixing her clothes before she retrieved her daughter from the swing. Falling to my side, I rolled over and buried my face in a throw pillow where I remained for several minutes until my body calmed.

I found Bella changing Ruthie's diaper in the bedroom and moved behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my chin on her shoulders.

"Hi."

"Hey, babe," she replied, reaching back with one hand and ruffling my hair. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Another time?"

"Absolutely," I said with a smile as I kissed her cheek.

She invited me to stay the night, but I had work to do early and declined. I promised to stay the next evening since I would be watching Ruthie while she worked at the restaurant. After kissing both my girls, I unwillingly departed, and much of my trip home was spent thinking about how nice it would be to not have to say goodbye to each other at night. Those thoughts in mind, my house felt too large and vacant when I arrived home.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I would never, _ever_ abandon you, even though it's been 47 years since I updated. Thank you for coming back. I'm sincerely sorry for not being able to hear these characters for so long. We're on the downward slope now. Much love to everyone. Precious jessypt is a fantabulous beta, and of course it's all still for pipelynn. *hearts & hugs***

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><p><em><strong>~Edward~<strong>_

I was startled by how abruptly the door opened as Bella rushed inside. She dropped her purse and coat ungracefully on the floor and darted into the kitchen to wash her hands.

"Hey, babe," I said with a light laugh. "You all right?"

She groaned. "I _really _hope Ruthie's hungry because I'm about to burst."

I couldn't help but stare when she began unbuttoning her shirt as she walked back to the living room. I picked up the baby from her play mat and held her until Bella was in front of me.

"Last bottle was about three hours ago, and she's been fussing a little," I informed her. "I'd say you're right on time."

Bella immediately took Ruthie and moved to turn toward the hall, but I grabbed her upper arm and gently towed her back to me. Leaning down, I smiled and kissed her softly. I felt the tension dissipate from her, and she opened up, letting me taste her tongue. She sighed and smiled as she pulled away moments later.

"Sorry," she said. "Thank you for that. I missed you . . . both of you, but I do really need to feed her. I'll be out in a little bit, okay?"

I grinned and nodded, running my hand down her neck and kissing her forehead before she darted off to nurse the baby. While she took care of Ruthie, I tidied up the living room and put a few dishes into the dishwasher.

Wanting to surprise Bella, I had arranged delivery from a vegan restaurant I happened to find. Well, I hadn't just stumbled upon it . . . I specifically looked for restaurants in the area that catered to vegetarian and vegan diets. I understood Bella's decision to modify her diet for Ruthie's sake, and I just wanted to do something nice for her that I figured she probably wouldn't do for herself. I was also trying to familiarize myself with alternatives that weren't just whatever-I'm-having-minus-the-meat. This particular restaurant didn't deliver, but I'd managed to talk my mother into helping me out in that regard.

Bella returned to the living room a short time later, Ruth smiling and gurgling happily in her mommy's arms. They both looked at me and smiled at the same time, and in that moment I was glad I was sitting.

"She has your smile," I said without thinking. "A little gummier, but it's all yours."

Her grin grew, and she settled beside me on the sofa, cuddling close as I put my arm around my girls.

_My girls._

It amazed me how quickly Bella and her precious little baby had worked their way into my heart, but there was no denying how much I cared for both of them. In a few short months, I had gained so much. I never could have imagined a scenario like ours or fathomed the possibility that the woman I had hurt in that accident would allow me into her life. Her insecurities and hesitations were all for naught, as far as I was concerned. She had given me the opportunity to be happy, to bring more joy to my family, and she had let me love her sweet daughter.

Realizing that she deserved to hear all these things instead of me just thinking them, I turned my face toward Bella and positioned us so we could talk.

"How was your day?" I asked.

"The usual. Nothing overly exciting, though I did get a message from your sister. We're going to have lunch next week and talk about The Cullen Foundation," she explained.

"That's great," I said honestly. "I think it's a great opportunity for you, but Rose will be able to answer any questions you have before you decide."

"Yeah, I think so too. Plus, she said she'd go to the office with me and meet some of the current staff."

I smiled and kissed her lightly, happy that she seemed amiable to the idea.

"How was Ruthie today?"

"A perfect angel," I answered honestly. "An angel just like her mommy. Thank you for letting me spend some time with her."

Bella blushed but didn't say anything, so I went on.

"I find myself with lots of time to think when it's just me and Ruth. I want you to know how special you both are to me. You're always on my mind, and you must know how much my entire family adores you girls, too."

"I really like all your family. I'm glad I've had the chance to meet you all."

"Bella, it's more than that for me, though. I know I've been persistent and even a little pushy at times with the car and all, but I hope you realize it's for you and not out of some sense of obligation.

"There are other people who would have given up in your circumstance, but not you. You've put everything behind you as well as you could so you could make Ruthie your first priority in everything. I have so much respect for that, and it's part of the reason I like being able to do things for you. I _know _you work hard. I _know_ you're trying your best each and every day."

She interrupted me then. "You are incredibly sweet and more generous than I could ever expect."

"But you don't expect it," I explained. "You don't ask for anything or feel entitled. _That_ is the reason I feel so comfortable helping you. Even when you don't ask for it. Even when I know you probably won't ever ask for my help. You're independent and strong. I have no doubt you would figure things out on your own, but you have me now, Bella. You don't have to stress or worry.

"I know you want to support yourself, so I will do whatever I can to help you get back to a job that makes you happy. I'll be here if you decide to go back to school. I'll do and be whatever you need, baby."

The look on her face was so sweet, and she nodded and smiled at me in a humble sort of way. I reached up my free hand and cupped her cheek, stroking her soft skin with my thumb. Her face tilted into my palm, and her eyes closed. I took advantage of the opportunity to stare and take her in. Would she ever know how precious she was to me? How greatly I respected her strength and perseverance?

"Thank you," she finally said with a sigh. "You are such a good man, Edward Cullen. No matter what happened in your past, you are so good. I've not met a man with a heart so big since my dad was still alive."

I took that as an enormous compliment and kissed her once more before taking the baby from her arms as Ruth began to squirm. Bella stood and stretched, walking toward the kitchen and opening the fridge.

"What are you in the mood for?" she asked, scanning the selection of food.

"I've got dinner taken care of," I told her. "Should be here around 7:00."

"What'd you do?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," I said cheerfully. "It's a surprise."

"Fine," she huffed in the cutest annoyed way, but she still smiled at me. "What should we do until then?"

.

I showed her the website for The Cullen Foundation and talked to her about some of the experiences I'd had volunteering, as well as the work my mom had put into the organization over the years. It certainly wasn't what her degree was in, but I could tell Bella was interested. With all her passion and strength, I knew she could find her place there if she wanted. I reminded her it didn't have to be permanent, but it was a chance to do something a little more lucrative and fulfilling while she decided what the next step would be.

My mom had arrived right on time, and after greeting Bella and Ruthie with hugs and kisses, she insisted on sticking around to watch the baby so we could eat dinner in peace. She took the baby out for a car ride to give us some privacy and just so happened to come back with a few new outfits for Ruth. Bella told her she didn't need to do that, but Mom simply pulled the grandma card, saying it was in her nature, and she just couldn't resist stopping at her favorite baby boutique when she saw they were having a sale.

That night, I stayed, just like I promised I would. After the baby was fed, I took over bedtime duties, allowing Bella to shower and wind down from her day. I had Ruthie asleep in her crib by the time Bella finished, and it was no small task holding myself together when Bella emerged from the steamy bathroom in a blue terry robe. Her cheeks were flushed pink from the shower, and her long, wet hair was darker, complementing her ivory skin. Then there were her legs. Slender and looking oh-so-long in that short robe, I swallowed hard at the sight of her. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to go to her and yank that robe off. Between all my introspection about her and our relationship and how simply gorgeous she looked without even trying, I was overwhelmed.

"God, you're beautiful," I told her, making her blush deeper. She came to me and kissed me long and slow, but she had the good sense to back away and grab her pajamas.

I wanted her, desperately, but I wouldn't push. We kissed and touched in her bed, but I let her set the pace. I wasn't going anywhere, so I could let her lead. She was absolutely worth the wait.

.

Over the weeks that followed, we spent a great deal of our time together. I traveled frequently, but there was an obvious shift in my relationship with Bella. She was opening up more and less resistant to my help, and when I was away, I heard of her spending time with my family more often. It amazed me how seamlessly she fit in with them, even if she didn't realize it. Everyone adored her, and there was no doubt that we all loved Ruth.

Bella agreed to take a position at the foundation, which I was very happy about. Kate and Garrett teased that we were stealing their best employee, but it was all in jest. They were glad she was able to find something a little more secure. She was going to be one of two liaisons for the libraries and community centers they worked with. Alongside another employee, Claire, they would be the direct points of contact between the head staff member or volunteer at each location. The would help them organize recruitment and training for more volunteers, ensuring they had the necessary resources, and visiting each location once a month. On the office side, Bella and Claire would make sure the locations were able to function within the budget provided, and they would be responsible for partnering with the fundraising and accounting team to make sure everyone had the funds they needed. It was no small task, but I had faith in Bella, and so did my parents. She was set to start two weeks before Thanksgiving, and she had agreed to let my mom play nanny while she worked.

At the end of her first full week Bella came to my house straight from the office. I had already brought over all Ruthie's necessities the night before when we decided they would spend the weekend with me, and my mom had dropped the baby off shortly before. Yet another benefit of living close to my parents' house.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so tired!" Bella said as she fell onto my sofa and flopped sideways. "What are you laughing at?"

"You're cute," I told her, setting Ruthie in her little Bumbo chair. The baby squawked in protest, but as soon as I handed her a musical rattle she was quieted down.

Sitting at the end of the couch, I took Bella's feet into my lap and pulled off her heels, dropping them to the floor. "You look so hot when you're dressed up as Business Bella," I said as I took her stocking-covered foot and began massaging.

"Oh, that feels so good," she moaned, repositioning herself on the cushions and looking up at me with a blissful expression. "How did you know I needed this?"

"Well," I began, "you've been wearing sneakers and flats every day for as long as I've known you until this week. I have a mom and a sister, so I can only assume the achy feet talk would start up at some point tonight."

"So you're just trying to keep me from getting whiny?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at me.

"No," I answered, kissing her foot before I set it in my lap and took the other one. "I just want you to be comfortable and happy."

"I can't believe you just kissed my sweaty foot. Do not put those lips anywhere near my mouth until you wash them."

I laughed with her but still kissed her other foot when I was done. I then proceeded to pin her down on the couch and plant many little kisses all over her face while she shrieked and flailed, unable to control her own laughter. Ruth seemed to notice the commotion and started bouncing in her seat, pudgy little hands waving about.

"Okay, hold on Little Miss," Bella said. At some point she had adopted my nickname for the baby, and it was now a part of her vocabulary, too. "Let mommy go wash her hands and I'll come get you."

Seeing Bella kiss and hug her daughter and watching Ruth's animated reactions filled me with such a sense of contentment and happiness that I couldn't help but go join in.

"Muah!" I said, kissing Ruthie's cheek, then repeating it on the other side. She laughed when I did the same to her mother, my actions animated and exaggerated.

"Are you still up for company? Rose and Em are planning to be here in about an hour."

"Sounds good to me," she replied, carrying the baby toward my bedroom. "I'm just going to feed her and change."

I watched her walk down the hall away from me and couldn't help noticing how natural this all felt – Bella coming home to me and the baby, having family over, all the laughter we shared. It was more than anything I'd ever felt with a woman, and I couldn't deny my overwhelming need to keep her with me.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: You guys! Thank you all so much for coming back around! Your support has overwhelmed me, and I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Let me just say, these characters are getting crazy adorable, and I'm so excited to continue sharing this fic with you. As always, my utmost appreciation to jessypt for betalove. Oh, and since I don't think I ever really say it, these characters aren't mine, but these versions of them are. I've always wondered why we bother saying that, though . . . I mean, this website is called FANFICTION. But I digress. Enjoy the show =)**

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><p><em><strong>~Bella~<strong>_

My life had turned into something a little too good to be true.

Ruthie was still a typical baby. She had poopy diapers and cranky nights when she woke me five times. She went through phases when she demanded to be held constantly. My breasts still ached and leaked when I was away from her. But she was worth every moment, without a doubt.

Time seemed to fly by. It was hard to believe that my little girl was nearly five months old and that I had known Edward nearly that long as well. My life was in a place I never could have imagined it would be before we met. I now had wonderful friends, a sweet, amazing boyfriend, and as close a thing to family as I'd ever had. Not to mention, my job was still completely new to me, but it was going so well already. I got to do something fulfilling, and the pay was a good starting point.

I was finally content with my life. I hadn't been this happy since before I'd moved with Benji . . . maybe even before my dad died.

I was blessed.

The big question was why I couldn't bring myself to be more intimate with Edward. He never complained, was always willing to hold me on the nights we spent together, and stopped the progress of our little make out sessions when I pulled back. I didn't know what had happened to me, though. I had been so eager before, and when things had gone a little farther, good lord was it amazing. Yet out of nowhere I had closed myself off and become self-conscious again. It was nothing Edward had done because he was truly wonderful.

I wasn't being entirely honest with myself, though. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I had instantly been given everything my heart wanted on a silver platter, and I couldn't get past the feeling that sooner or later it would all come crashing down. If I let things go farther, I'd be giving up my heart completely, and if it didn't work out in the end, I would be crushed. I'd lose everything – the boyfriend, the job, the family – and so would Ruthie.

I didn't know how to stop being afraid, and I didn't know how to talk to Edward about it.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Bella? Everything all right in there?"

"Yeah, it's fine. You can come in if you want."

Ruthie was laying in the play pen Edward had gotten for her, and he smiled down at her as he came into the guest room. I had changed into a more comfortable outfit and opened my arms to embrace him.

"Feeling better now?" he asked, squeezing me affectionately.

"Yeah," I answered. "Ready to go start dinner?"

"In a minute," he said just before taking my face in his hands and kissing me in the most knee-buckling way. "Okay, now we can go."

Dinner with Rosalie and Emmett was fun. We made a taco bar that was messy and delicious, and as he had become so good at, Edward made sure I had plenty of options. Emmett tried to duck out of the cleanup, claiming kid duty, but Rosalie shot him down quickly, leaving him and Edward in the kitchen. Rosalie and I headed out to take on diaper duty and keep Jasper and Ruth occupied.

"How's everything going with the foundation?" she asked as we sat on the living room floor together, toys surrounding us.

"So far, so good," I said, letting out a long, deep breath.

"You look overwhelmed," she replied with a chuckle.

I shrugged. "Maybe a little, but it's coming together. Everyone there is great. I like what I'm doing, but it's an adjustment."

She nodded in understanding, reaching over to give my hand a quick squeeze.

"It's a lot balancing a baby and a job," she said thoughtfully. "You've got a _new _job and a new boyfriend and our overbearing family on top of all that."

I laughed. "Your family isn't overbearing."

"They can be," she said with a smile, "but I hope you don't ever feel like you have to do what they suggest. If the job isn't right, or you'd like something different for Ruth, it's your choice."

"It sounds like you're trying to get rid of me, Rose."

"Not at all. Bella, you have made my brother happier than I've seen him in years. Maybe ever. I just want to make sure you know you have a say in things, no matter how good my family's intentions are."

I was touched by her sentiment and thanked her, taking a turn to entertain Jasper while she played with Ruthie.

"Everything's okay with Edward too, right?" she asked, but I could tell there was something else behind her question.

"He's wonderful," I said hesitantly. "Why?"

"Well, it's just that I remember what it was like after having Jasper. My perception of my body changed; it took me a while to feel good about myself again."

I didn't really know how to respond, so I let her go on.

"I see the way my brother looks at you, kind of like he's going to eat you. He cares for you so much, but I'm just going to take a wild guess here and assume you guys haven't consummated this relationship."

"Oh my god," I said, my jaw dropping. "Consummated, Rose? Really?"

"Hey, I'm just trying to be polite. I could have just asked if you've fucked my brother yet." She was smirking.

I let Jasper run off and buried my face in my hands. "Is this real life? Are we seriously having this conversation?"

"You've both been through a lot. I just don't want to see hang ups and bad experiences from your pasts ruin this for you guys. And, you know, there's always someone willing to babysit if you need a night alone," she added matter of factly.

I just grinned and looked away, happy to be saved from that awkward conversation when I saw the guys coming into the room. Edward sat on the floor beside me, kissing my cheek and smiling sweetly.

"What are we talking about?" he asked casually.

"Nothing," Rosalie and I said at the same time.

"Bella," she continued softly, "let me know if you ever need to talk. I'm always here."

"Thanks, Rose," I said, shaking my head when Edward nudged me and gave me a questioning look.

"Everything okay?" he whispered in my ear.

I nodded and told him it was fine. I wasn't sure if he bought it, but he let the subject drop. We enjoyed a little more time socializing with his family, but both kids eventually became cranky, a sure sign they were tired. We helped gather up Jasper's toys and walked them all to the door. After thanking them for coming, Edward went to fill the kitchen sink to give Ruthie a bath. Once she was clean, I took her into the guest room to nurse and get settled. She fell asleep easily and didn't protest or stir when I put her into the play pen to sleep. I noticed a baby monitor on the bedside table and smiled at Edward's thoughtfulness.

That quiet time with the baby gave me the opportunity to think about a lot of things. The biggest was Edward and what Rosalie had said. What possibly could have brought that on? Was it really that obvious our relationship was progressing so slowly? Why would it matter to his sister anyway?

Yet Rose had hit a sensitive spot when she said she didn't want to see our past experiences ruin this relationship. Was that what I had been doing? Would Edward give up on me if we didn't progress soon? No, he couldn't possibly; the man I'd been falling for was patient and sweet.

But still a man.

He wouldn't wait for me forever. I _did_ want more with him. God, he was gorgeous and he lit my body on fire when he touched me. I was just . . . scared.

"How's our girl?" I heard in a whisper and turned to see Edward standing in the doorway.

Our girl, he called her. My stomach did a somersault.

"She's out," I said, not quite meeting his eyes.

"Come on, then." He took me by the hand and led me to the hall, pulling me into a hug. "You tired?"

"Yes and no," I said honestly. "It's been a long week, but I'm a little wound up. I don't want to sleep yet."

"Good. I wanted to talk."

We moved to his bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, turning toward one another. I let him take my hand, gently rubbing with his as he gathered his thoughts. I watched his expression carefully, realizing how familiar I was becoming with him this way. He was thinking hard, bothered by something, and I wanted to wipe away the crease between his eyebrows.

"Tell me," I said softly.

"What?"

"Whatever's on your mind. Tell me, please."

He gave me a closed-lip smile and nodded once.

"I've just been wondering if you have any idea how much you mean to me," he started. "I try to tell you what I'm feeling, but I don't always. It's not fair."

"Is something wrong?" I asked nervously.

"No," he said, a light laugh in his voice. "Nothing's wrong. That's the thing . . . . You have been amazing. Having you and Ruthie in my life, I have a completely different perspective on everything. I told you what happened with Heidi, and after that, I never felt like I deserved to be happy. I pushed her away too hard, and she snapped. Maybe she had other things going on, but I played my part; a woman and my unborn child died."

"Edward." I said his name firmly, squeezing his hand. "That wasn't your fault. You had your reasons to act the way you did. You had no idea why she was being so persistent, and you cannot blame yourself for her bad decisions." I paused, allowing him time to think. "What happened was terrible, but it was _not_ your fault. There's no way to go back and change it; you can only move forward."

"That's what I want, Bella. To move forward, with you."

My heart swelled. "I can't fix you, and you can't fix me, but I sincerely believe we can have something great together."

I paused then, realizing how true my words were. All the doubt that had been holding me back was suddenly clear; I just hadn't faced it until Edward expressed his own concerns.

"Come here," he said, moving up the bed and laying down. I followed, letting him wrap me up in his warm embrace as I buried my face in his neck.

We stayed there together for several minutes, not speaking. I focused on his heartbeat, steady and strong. I relished the comfort of our legs tangled together, the rise and fall of his chest, the tingles I felt with each stroke of his hand up and down my back. I touched him as he touched me, in innocent places, happy to be right where we were in that moment.

Eventually, something changed. Edward's hand crept up the back of my shirt as he stroked my skin. I squeezed his bicep tighter, raking my nails firmly down his arm. Our bodies pressed closer, seeking more.

"Bella," he whispered, rolling me to my back and laying on top of me. He was propped on his arms, hovering over me, and then he leaned down and kissed me gently. Pulling back after a moment, he looked at me again. "Is this what you want? Me? All this? Are you happy?"

"Yes," I told him breathlessly, scraping my fingers up and down his neck and shoulders. "I'm sorry I haven't . . . that I'm inconsistent with you. I just never thought . . . ."

"I get it," he assured me. "I just want you to know. I want to be sure."

I felt like I was going to cry and blinked rapidly. He shifted, taking my hand from his neck and placing it over his heart. His eyes closed for a few seconds, and when they reopened I could see he was just as emotional as me.

"You're here. Ruthie, too. I don't want you to go anywhere."

"I'm not," I promised, and I meant it. I wanted to tell him how I really felt, how deeply I felt, but the words wouldn't come, so I took our joined hands and shifted them to rest over my heart. "This is yours," I managed.

It seemed to be what he needed because he dropped back down, kissing me again, deeper this time. Our bodies writhed against one another and hands wandered, but even with all our confessions I was hesitant. I couldn't just go from zero to sixty when I'd been so nervous about our progression hours before. But I wanted to give him something.

"Let me go shower," I said when I broke our kiss. I wasn't going for the finish line tonight, but I wanted to make sure everything was shaved and not covered in a day's worth of work grime.

"Oh, sure," he said, looking disappointed.

"I'm not done with you," I assured him with a grin. "I just want to get cleaned up. Long day, you know?"

He was understanding, but when I stood from the bed, he came behind me, pushing my hair aside and kissing my neck.

"Edwaaaaard," I groaned, falling back against him. "You're not playing fair."

His hands ran down my arms, then up my sides, slowing to caress the sides of my breasts. I shivered.

"Let me come in with you," he said, lightly licking my ear lobe. Another shiver.

"I don't . . . ." I drifted off.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to. I just want to be close to you. Let me take care of you."

I was under his spell but somehow managed a silent nod.

"Give me five minutes first, okay?"

"So that's a yes?"

"Yes, Edward," I said, letting my head fall to the side as he sucked on my neck, using his tongue in the most torturous way.

With a shaking breath, I pulled myself away and slipped into his bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it, trying to gather an ounce of control.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Always so much thanks to jessypt for beta love. **

**I try to keep notes brief, but I have to take a moment to thank all my readers. Whether you review or not, you are sincerely appreciated. I've been making a greater effort to reply to reviews lately because they totally make my day. I'm sorry for delays between chapters. I'm a single mama of a very energetic 5 year old, I just started a new position at work, and I'm coming off 9 days straight without a day off. Life is crazy, but it's blessed. I also wanted to extend a thank you and welcome to anyone who shared and/or found MiaP through rec of another reader or site. The simple fact that people enjoy my writing enough to tell their friends about it is all the validation I need. You're all amazing, sexy, and very pretty.**

**Oh, and sorry for the cockblock. Lemme get to what you really want . . . ;)**

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><p><em><strong>~Bella~<strong>_

I quickly undressed myself and pulled two big, fluffy towels from the linen closet in Edward's bathroom. I didn't want to waste any time before he joined me. He had already placed my toiletry bag on the counter, so I dug out what I needed and threw myself under the stream of hot water.

I hadn't looked at this shower closely before, but once I was inside I couldn't help but admire it. It was enormous with a rainfall showerhead and an L-shaped bench. The door was glass, which made me a little self-conscious, but that was something I just needed to accept. The walls were real marble, glistening as the water hit them.

Talk about a fantasy shower.

Pulling myself together, I got to work with my razor. It had only been a day since I'd shaved, and I hadn't planned for anything like this tonight, but I couldn't escape the voice in the back of my head that wanted everything to be perfect.

I heard Edward come into the bathroom shortly after I'd finished, and he asked if it was still okay for him to join me. I told him it was, and he mentioned that he had brought the baby monitor in, just in case.

He was always thinking of me and Ruthie. Goosebumps ran down my arms that had nothing to do with temperature.

I turned my back to the door when he came in, facing the water and trying not to shake nervously. This was good. I wanted it. I wanted him. None of that prevented my gasp when he ran a hand down my shoulder and pressed his naked body against my back. His arms wrapped around my waist, and I willed myself to relax.

"Do you have any idea how incredibly sexy you are?" he asked, his voice low and strained. "Your body is so gorgeous. Perfect."

"I'm not perfect," I muttered as he took my hands.

"Shh . . . you are. Perfect for me, baby."

I could feel all of him against my skin, but I was frozen in place. He was significantly taller than me, but not too tall. His arms kept me completely wrapped up in him, and his body was firm and defined. I felt safe and protected in his arms. Security was finally starting to be the norm, though it had taken time for me to accept it. Then there was his cock, resting against the small of my back, making my mind spin with desire.

"Turn around, Bella. Let me see you," he said softly. There was no demand, but I couldn't deny him, that voice, those beseeching green eyes when I cocked my head to look at him.

Very slowly, I released his hands and began to turn. He never fully relinquished his hold on me, but he allowed me to move freely until I was facing him. My eyes were closed until he tipped my chin up and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

"That's better."

My eyes raked up and down his body, the cut of his muscles overwhelming me like it always did. He was becoming aroused, and I hoped the shower would hide my blush. I wasn't inexperienced by any means, but this was different; it was special. It didn't seem real that this amazing man was mine, especially given the circumstances under which we'd met. He was, though, and I adored him.

"You okay?" he asked, and I nodded, smiling slightly.

We turned together, allowing him to step beneath the spray, and my heart beat wildly at the sight of his wet, disheveled hair, water rushing over every contour of his body.

"You are so damn hot," I told him, reaching my arms up and winding them around his neck so he would lean down and kiss me. He pressed close, our bodies molding together again, trapping my breasts against him. I knew they would probably leak, but I didn't worry about that in the shower; I was able to focus on the way he made me feel and all the ways I wanted to touch him. I squeaked when his hands covered my butt and squeezed tightly, making me involuntarily press harder against him.

He pulled back, reminding me of his request to take care of me, and I allowed him to wash my hair, scrubbing the shampoo in with massaging fingertips and later taking care to work in the conditioner to my long hair. I returned the favor, laughing as I made a mohawk and haphazard spikes with his hair. When he moved on to the body wash, I lost control. I had accepted being fully exposed to him there in the shower, but the way he touched me was too much. He used his hands, gently lathering the fragrant soap and carefully, slowly cleansing my skin. He peppered my body was kisses as the suds washed away – on my neck, shoulders, stomach, and even the back of my thighs.

"Edward," I panted over and over again, but he didn't stop.

He saved the best for last, running his soapy hand between my legs, teasing me, torturing me, and then he had me pressed to the shower wall, his mouth devouring mine. I was gasping and moaning. He worked his way down my neck, nipping at my skin, and his hands were cupping my breasts gently, lightly flicking at my nipples. I didn't stop him, far too caught up in how incredible he made me feel. My eyes fell closed, and my hands wound into his hair in an attempt to keep myself anchored. Lower and lower he moved until his lips were on my chest, then finally, carefully circling my nipples with his tongue. He moved back and forth a few times, taking care not to be rough. He didn't have to be directed; he just seemed to know the perfect amount of pressure without hurting me. Even slower still, he kissed his way back up over my collar bone, neck, cheeks, and kissed me again.

"Bella." He said my name reverently, pushing his hands into my hair and looking into my eyes. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" As if to punctuate his statement he pressed his erection to my leg, making my entire body shudder.

"I am absolutely addicted to you, baby. You mean everything to me, and I'm so in love with you."

A sort of whimper escaped from my throat, and I felt like I would burst. He had worked my body into such a frenzy, then pulled my heart into the beautiful chaos. I couldn't speak just then, so I pulled his mouth to mine, kissing him hard and meaningfully.

"Tell me something. Anything," he begged, sliding his slick, wet body against mine with purpose.

"Oh god . . . . Yes. Everything you said. I didn't stand a chance against you, Edward. How could I _not_ fall in love?"

He immediately hugged me tightly, burying his face in my neck for a moment before he brought his mouth back to mine. I let him put space between us and felt his hand move back between my legs, fingers slipping easily inside me.

"Fuck," he groaned. "You feel so good."

I nearly fell apart, but he continued. As the sensation built, I reached down and touched him for the first time. He was hard and heavy in my hand, and his whole body jerked as I began to stroke him. I responded to his reactions, applying pressure when I heard his breath hitch and twisting my wrist at the head so my palm pushed against the tip. He swore a few more times, clutching at me, and I knew he was close when he stopped touching me. One hand grasped my shoulder and the other pressed to the wall for support as he leaned closer. I quickened my pace until he came, a fast, hot spurt hitting my stomach. He breathed heavily for a minute, finally pulling himself upright and kissing me.

"Go dry off and get on the bed. I'll be right there," he instructed.

"Edward, I –" I tried to protest, not wanting him to get too carried away.

"Trust me," he said simply, smiling down at me and pushing the shower door open.

As I dried myself, I glanced back through the glass door and saw him hastily soaping up. I towel-dried my hair as I walked back into the bedroom and tossed the towel over the back of a nearby chair. It felt awkward to just get into bed naked and wait, but it turned out I didn't have to. Edward was behind me as if out of nowhere, lifting me onto the bed and positioning me at the edge. He knelt in front of me and pushed my legs apart.

"Wait," I urged, trying to close my legs and slow him down. I'd had a baby; things had to be different down there, and I wasn't particularly comfortable with Edward being that close to my lady parts.

"Please," he said, hands on my knees and the most heart-melting look in his eyes. "Let me make you feel good, love." He started kissing my knees, working his way inward, back and forth between my inner thighs until I gave in and let him have what he wanted. Every inch of me, inside and out, was alight with anticipation and need.

He was everything and more than I had expected. My body bucked unexpectedly when I felt his tongue press against the warm, wet flesh of my pussy. He licked me upward, focusing on my clit. His lips and tongue worked together, driving me mad, and when I thought I couldn't take more, he slid his fingers back into me and worked them together until I fell apart, pushing up against his face. Both of us spent, he flattened his cheek to my stomach and caught his breath. I felt tingly and exhausted in the most wonderful way.

When he stood and moved toward the bed, he directed me to lay with my head on the pillow so he could hold me. I fell into his arms happy and sated, a smile plastered on my face. He kissed the top of my head, hugging me close.

"I love you, Bella," he said against my hair.

"I love you," I answered, hooking my leg over his. He groaned but didn't move.

"How long do you think it will be 'til Ruthie wakes up?" he asked, and I lightly smacked him.

"Don't jinx it!"

He chuckled, but I still got up and put on my nursing bra and pajamas. I couldn't sleep without the support, and as much as I wanted to stay naked and close to Edward, I would rather be prepared when the baby woke for her nighttime feeding. Out of habit, I walked to the guest room and peeked in on Ruthie, happy to find her fast asleep. I stood there by the side of the play pen for several minutes just watching her. She was so peaceful and perfect, and I was absolutely blessed to have her. Despite all the hard parts, she was worth it.

"She's beautiful, just like her mommy," I heard behind me as Edward kissed my cheek. "Come on, let's go get some sleep." I acquiesced and followed him into the bedroom where he pulled back the covers and settled into bed with me.

He lay on his back, and I curled up against him with my head on his shoulder and an arm and a leg thrown over him.

"No more doubts, baby. Okay?" he said in the quiet darkness.

"I don't think I've ever doubted you," I told him honestly. "Sometimes I just feel like I'm not worth all the effort. That you'd eventually get tired of us being so needy."

"You're not needy," he said as if I'd offended him. "You're an amazing woman who has been through a tough time, but it won't be like that anymore. You will always have me to protect and care for you and the baby."

"I'm sorry," I said for what felt like the tenth time. I didn't want my self-doubts, and they were certainly waning, but sometimes little things lingered in the back of my subconscious. "You're just too good to be true sometimes." I turned my face and kissed his chest.

"I think the same thing about you all the time. I mean it, Bella. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Thank you for that," he said quietly. "Now let's sleep."

"Yes, sir," I teased.

We were both silent, and just as I was drifting off I heard Edward say, "I love having you in my bed. Sweet dreams."


End file.
